The next few weeks were unbearable. I kept thinking about how blissful Rory's kisses had been, how I'd adored his company and how much he'd appreciated me understanding him. Basically, I missed him. I longed for him so much that my sorrow cut deep into me like a sword. Not only did it break my heart but it struck at my soul. My entire being was filled with pain at the prospect of never seeing him again. But he had betrayed me in a vicious, inconsiderate way. He had been rough with a delicate topic and acted as if he were holding my best interests at heart. What did he know of my best interests? He didn't know me at all. No matter how many of my thoughts he had heard, he didn't know the true me, my deeper intentions and my greatest desires. He had failed to understand that I wanted to change to improve our lives, for goodness' sake! I was probably better off without him. I considered getting a new boyfriend but the thought depressed me. After Rory, no boy looked quite as handsome as he had before and certainly none of them had the personality, the decency, that I not only wanted but required out of a relationship.
Time passed, leaving me behind in my inconsolable state. Peers grew worried about me, my mother became stressed and even my teachers were starting to ask me if there was anything wrong at home. I ignored everyone, concentrating only on my own emotions.
At one point, when I was feeling really down and my situation looked particularly bad, I considered committing suicide. But that was too much for a relationship which had barely lasted any time at all. Not to mention it would be rather selfish as especially my mother needed me. No, one day I would get over this, I told myself, and then I could go out and make a nice future for myself. But I didn't want to consider a future without Rory. He had had such a large impact on my life, that any sort of lifestyle seemed impossible without him. He had inspired my dreams, brought out my best qualities and feelings, and improved me as a person. Without him, I was nothing.
So that's how I was: alone in the world (I'd long since isolated myself so I could grieve my loss in peace) and dejected. Would things ever change?