My Five Fears

1) I'm afraid of being alone, that I'll be in a dark room, naked and cold, shuddering with no one to talk to. That I won't get to feel the warmth of someone holding me and loving me. This fear usually is the thing that makes me cry so hard when my boyfriend's break up with me...there have only been two serious ones...one that happened last night...and on that note...

2) I'm afraid of losing people, because all throughout my life people have left and left me hopeless. I regain it when I find someone else to talk to. But one day, I'm afraid there won't be anyone to lose.

3) I'm afraid that my parents will find out who I really am inside. What I think. What I feel. Because they won't know the feeling. They're optomistic, which is the emotions I put off for others, and then there's the other side for me which is pessimistic like nothing will go right. I'm afraid that my parents won't like me for me.

4) I'm afraid that I'm crazy. Like mental. Sometimes I think like it and wanna do crazy things like i have no idea, especially when I cry, and I don't cry much. I've been learning to control the water works for a year now. And I think I'm stronger because of it. But the crazy thing is when I cry I want to be left alone, (and that's my number one fear), because when I cry I show my weakness.

5) I'm deathly afraid of chuckie. Ever since I was 3. My cousins Sarah and Chelsea were watching Chuckie but I have no idea which one, and I had woken up in the middle of the night when I was spending the night with them and they were watching it and the first part scared me so bad when that kid jumped out of the window after the teacher had told him to stay inside after school cuz she was really mad at him, and he had heard something in the closet so he jumped out, and then the teacher came in and was looking around for him and then she looked in the closet and Chuckie jumped out at her and i think he tickled her? I don't know..I was 3 give me a break. But I couldn't watch the rugrats after that. No sir-y bob. I've wanted to confront that fear and watch the whole series of movies because now I love scary movies and I've heard Chuckie really isn't that scary, but hell, I couldn't sleep for 7 years with that scene popping into my mind!

The End

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