The Big 5

1.) I am terrified..no petrified at the thought of becoming my mother. It sends me into fits. I live my life each day trying to never be like her, but somehow, we have the same anger issues. It really freaks me out, and I pray each night before going to bed that I'll never be like her. I fear my life would be ruined if I did.

2.) Imagine this happening: You're walking alone in the dark and you feel a presence watching you..following you. You look behind you, but nothing is there, so you quicken your pace. You still feel it and you know you can't do anything so you scream, "Go away!!" But nothing leaves. You break out in a run and imagine thoughts of people chasing you down and killing you. You become so paranoid that you can't function and you eventually pass out hyperventilating. That's what happens to me when I'm in the dark alone.

When I'm with even just one other person, I'm fine. In fact, I become naive and oblivious. Strange.

3.) Uncleanliness. It really bothers me when I come in someone's house or dorm room and things are strewed about and there are massive stains on the floor, and that putrid smell is coming from under the bed. I want to run and scream. I mean, when I'm frustrated, or angry, or even sad, I'll whip out my Chlorox bleach and bleach the tiles in the dorm, or I'll take a regular-sized kitchen sponge and scrub the floors, door, and walls. I've cleaned most of my friends' rooms last year. I nearly gassed myself out with the Chlorox....

4.) Being alone. This kind of goes with the first one. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I'll be the first to tell you that. I have so much love to give, and I'm afraid I won't be able to do that. I don't like to be smothered, but I also don't like to be alone. I used to be in pointless relationships during high school for this purpose. I've gotten a lot better about it, and I've found a great guy that adores me. (He's British, too. XD) Now, I'm just afraid he'll leave me like everyone else.

5.) Oooh, time to narrow to just one. I'm deathly afraid of horror movies. I'll be watching a movie, and something scary happens: ie someone gets killed, maimed, eaten, etc. My mother actually sat me down and forced me to watch "The Messengers." Yes, forced me. I get myself way too in the plot and think I'm in the movie, too, and these things will happen to me. After the movie is over, I'm frozen in fear.

Weird part of that: I'll be watching a movie in the dark at night and it's a comedy (I'm talking like Shallow Hal or Big Daddy, something funny) and the movie is over, I'm feeling good- until I have to get up. I get this prickly feeling all over me and I'm terrified to turn around to face the back window that leads to the patio in fear that someone broke in and is about to attack me. My hearing sense heightens to an abnormal level and I can't move until all the credits have rolled down...Then I force myself. I have to check all the rooms and turn all the lights on for awhile. (Maybe I should not read The Shining at night...I'll put it away now.)

 

There are a lot more, but those are the big 5.

The End

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