What I Fear

I fear the future...I have no idea what's going to happen to me. Everyone tells me I make my own future, but is that really true? There has to be a little luck involved in the future at least. I also have a very pessimistic view on life and all I can think about is the negatives...I figure that I'll just die young or end up somewhere on the streets, so what's the point of any of this? The future is unknown to me, and that really terrifies me. I feel as if I'm on a path in life that I can't turn back on no matter what. I'll just get deeper and deeper into the wrong path and won't be able to do anything about it.

Another one of my greatest fears is life itself. I constantly question the terrible things life brings...It brings good things too, of course, but the bad things are always hand in hand with it. Why is there so much murder and hate and cruelity? Why do people starve to death and get terrible diseases? Life honestly scares the crap out of me. I have no idea what to expect with it, I don't understand it at all...

I also fear death. I used to not fear death at all just a couple years ago when I was struggling with depression...then I took those happy pills, got my life back on the right track, but suddenly had a fear of death which really scared me a lot since I had never feared death before.

I'm afraid of heights. I don't know how I can even compare this to the fear I have of life, death, and the future...but I really am pretty scared of heights. I'll look down from somewhere and my heart will start to race, my vision will blur and I really become terrified. This fear really bothers me because, I love rollers coasters and flying in planes and all that, and yet I fear it at the same time. It's really hard to explain...

Finally, I'm afraid of showing fear. I don't like people to see I'm afraid or worried about things. In fact, it kind of scares me now, just knowing that I'm expressing my fears to people...This is another one that's hard to explain...

The End

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