Five Personal Fears

1.The first thing that comes to mind for me when I think of fear is my mild phobia of being burned. It's maybe more accurate to say that it's the "anticipation" of being burned, once I AM burned I'm no longer afraid.

I'm not sure what it's source is; perhaps somewhere in my past, some distant accident, resting in some unreachable area in my memory. Point is I'm terrified of being burned. It's inconvenient when working with an oven or microwave or washing dishes.

Ironically enough, I get burned very often at work, especially from spent casings of ammunition that are extracted from the chamber and tumble into my shirt, down my sleeves or otherwise against my flesh. They're very painful blistering burns, but I don't seem to be afraid of firing my weapon or picking up spent casings, it's more when it comes to cooking or handling something that's obviously hot.


2. Secondly I'm afraid of lying; As a child, lying at some point becomes routine. For myself, it became an obsession. I lied, exaggerated, outright fabricated a false reality throughout my childhood with adults, children of my age, everyone. (Maybe it was an outlet for my rampant imagination) It took me a lot of will power to move away from that personal vice, and it still does take me a lot of will power to avoid lying to better my position in any given situation. On the other hand, the outcome is that I am brutally honest, sometimes to the point that I unintentionally insult others. GIve or take I suppose, I'd rather be brutally honest than completely untrustworthy.


3. Hurting the ones I love; This one kind of ties in to the lying, and it's probably the chief reason I dedicated a lot of energy to changing my behavior in my early teens. Nevertheless, it wasn't enough to stop me from making a few astronomical blunders along the way, some that have literally changed the course of my life, and forever scarred the lives of others. I am afraid of doing something that will hurt my family or significant other, my friends and their families. I'm not sure what that thing could be, but I'm afraid of it.

If I have any fear in death, it's not of death itself but of the fact that dying will ultimately emotionally damage my family and friends.


4. Inadequacy; I'm afraid of not being able to do what I am expected to do. I'm sure most people have this fear, or at least the notion of being uncomfortable when failing. This ties in to my job, as a soldier, being inadequate is not only detrimental for yourself, but it can easily put the lives of your team at risk.


5. The Unknown; This is a fear that encompasses all the boogymans, aliens, monsters and other irrational fears that may pop into my mind when I am confronted with an environment that gives my imagination room to stretch out and take a nice jog on the borders of what I perceive as reality.

I am afraid of what is concealed when my senses are blocked or otherwise hampered, for instance, being in a dark room with loud noises that hamper my ability to be aware of my surroundings, or what may be int he dark room with me.

I'm not specifically afraid of the boogyman or of aliens or monsters, but when I'm not certain of what is watching or listening to me from a place that I can't see or hear, I'm not at ease.

The End

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