I'm afraid if I even let go for one second my life will spin out of control but will never fall back into place. So I sit and wait for opportunity. But my hands are gripping the chairs handles, I want to knock at opportunities doors. I want to be that girl.
I am afraid some will find me out. Find out I'm not the good person i pretend to be. That some will delve deep into my dirty laundry... Maybe I'd feel different if I could just forgive myself for every mistep.Instead of constantly feeling guilty.
I'm afraid of the inivitable. I can't control it. It just rams into you full force, there's nothing you can do to stop it. All you can do is live through it. So many things are out of my hands...My mothers death...the abuse...So many events that were untouchable to me.
I am afraid I will never find my soul mate. When I see happy couples...ones that are truly happy together, I don't feel envious. I feel such despair. I wonder when will it ever happen to me? Will I spend the rest of my life alone? I'm not lonely. I can suppourt myself, I don,t need a man. I want one.
I'm afraid of bees. It was the day before the first day of school. I couldn't wait to wear my new denim dress. My father told me before to keep it clean and to wait for the first day of school. But that day he finally submitted to my begging and I wore it. I showed it off to all of my friends. We all played in my backyard, I was the only one with a swing set. I was on the swing set, when I felt itchy on my back. I tried to scratch it away, thats when I heard the buzzing and felt the bug. I thought it was just a fly so I swatted again and again...until it stung me. I screamed bloody murder. It was a minor sting but ever since then I've been terrified of anything with a stinger.