Fluffy's Fears

1. I am afraid of having no one there for me. I'm an introverted, almost antisocial person, and I think sometimes that drives people away. Paradoxically, at the same time, I'm rather insecure and need people around to reassure me.

2. I am afraid of anything going into my ear canal. I once heard a story of a woman whose ear was made a home by a junebug. Apparently it hurt like hell and nearly drove her insane. I think that story traumatized me.

3. I am afraid of finding out, one day, that I have been transformed into a terrible person. One of the things that bothers me is when I'm reading the Obituaries (don't ask why) in the newspaper. I see a person that has been killed, think "Aww, that's too bad." then turn the page and forget about it. But then I think of all the people it affects and how they must be suffering, and I feel disgusting for hardly even feeling sadness. I'm also very careful to keep from being selfish, but sometimes it's hard to control.

4. I am afraid of speaking on the phone. I know it's entirely irrational and makes no sense, but it scares the living hell out of me. Every time I have to call someone, I'm so afraid of talking to them that I pray I'll get their answering machine. Especially people I've never called before. With family and such it's a lot less nerve-wracking, but it still scares me much more than simply talking face-to-face.

5. I am afraid of losing my love for more than a few fictional characters. With real people I don't have the same fear, but every time I find myself addicted to a new series or video game, I get sudden thoughts of, "What if I like it better than all of my others?! What if I'm going to forget about them?! But I love them so much! This can't happen!" And then I promptly stop. I think this stems from the deep sense of loyalty that runs through my veins--I am the Chinese Year of the Dog, after all.


The End

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