It's killing you inisde. I'm watching your smile turn to tears, as you fight for keep me believing everything is ok. I fear you are pulling away from me because you are. You want to, and it hurts you.
I hurt you. I pushed you so hard you fell to the ground. You brushed off your hands saying you refused to fight a battle you weren't getting anything out of, and you ran to her. And she idolized you. She stroked your ego and made you purr, and you felt chained to the one who abused you: me.
So you freed yourself.
As soon as I had room to breath from you, I blossomed. I became the girl you fell in love with once again, and we became the magical us we both wanted for so long, only without the faults, but with a knowledge so much deeper we could never get starting from scratch.
You wanted to run back into my arms. At times I wished the same thing as well. But I closed my arms and you didn't jump. We both waited for you to run to her, the one who makes you happy. The one who treats you right, and didn't have any past problems for you to solve. You circled above the both of us, wanting to have your cake and eat it too.
You wanted that freedom. I wanted you to have it. We had run eachother into the ground, and I wasn't about to reattach your collar when captivity is poisonous. I told you to do what made you happy. You were unsure what you wated once you had the oppertunity to have it. The obvious answer was right there, a glimmering hope so new, so perfect from a istance, it had no footprints yet.
But you wouldn't leave me. Your fatal flaw and superior strength is loyalty.
You didn't want to hurt me. You were afraid to lose the beautiful friendship that blossomed from our catterpillar of a relationship. Well Babe, the pain is healing. You broke my heart, but you gave me the means to find the me to heal it again. Now I am watching as you are breaking yours over and over again, and I don't know how to stop you.
You still love me. You are drawn to me by habit, by compassion, by comfort. I know you better than anyone else and I can set your mind straight. But you are holding yourself captive in close proximity to me at the same time scared away by our strangling grips on each other. Now my arms are open and you enjoy floating in and out.
I want to be there for you. More than best friends, I'd do anything to take this weight off your chest, and I fear that weight is the combat between choosing between me and her. I want to take a step back for you. Free you from this weight. But I crumble into tears when you reach for me in tears. You can't loose me, and its mutual.
I don't know what I should do to make you understand. I'm causing you pain by letting you near me. You aren't over me yet. Your conscience wont let you enjoy her until you do. So do I stay near, and reassure you its the best, and convince you its what you want. But I fear its turning into an obligation for you. You don't want to close any doors, but she stands for choice. Leave the chains for freedom. Choose between me and her.
I want to know how to help you. I want to be here when you cry. I want you to never see me again so you can be content with her, and not second guessing what you gave up. It tears me to bits when you cry, because its my fault. I shouldn't be giving you the most difficult choice in the world because believe me, I know.
Ask yourself this:
If theres no path to return to, would you be happy with her?
If you left her now, how would you feel? Could you allow yourself to feel it?
If pain is inevitable either way, if people learn to grow beyond the obsticles in life, if there were no consequences for your actions, what would you want? What will stroke your mane and tickle your fancy? What will lead you to your happiness?
I demand one thing of you: follow it.