I was grateful that when I got home and collapsed into my bed my eyes shut almost instantly. I didn't even wake up in the middle of night from dreams. I didn't wake up until my mum's shouting voice alerted me to the fact that I’d slept through my alarm.
“Crap” I muttered to myself as I rushed around putting this homework or that book in my bag and pulling on cloths. I gave mum a rushed goodbye and raced into the streets. I glanced at my watch and -
“Dammit!” I'd already missed my first lesson and was going to be majorly late for my second. Mum said she'd call the school to let them know I was on the way. She also started saying something about it being her fault which I quickly shut her up about. She couldn't help it she was never around when I woke up. She needed to work. When I reached the gates I had to lean against the old brick wall to get my breath. Once I was breathing normally again I walked inside. The front reception told me to wait. Apparently my oversleeping was a big thing. Detention, just what I needed I thought.
“Michael, you okay?” I glanced up and saw that Miss Dale was standing by the desk. I nodded and looked away, I didn't want to explain how I'd managed to oversleep. But she had to be wondering why I'd missed German. She moved away from the reception and took the seat next to me.
“You know, you can talk to me about anything,” She said and I had to hold back the urge to laugh. Teachers always said stuff like that. But truthfully what they meant was “Tell me if something's wrong, I'll refer you to the crappy school counsellor.”
“I'm fine,” I said, refusing to meet her gaze. I liked her as a sub, but I wasn't about to tell her every piece of crap in my life.
“Look Michael, you have two choice,” She said and now I looked up at in her confusion, “You can talk to me, or the headmaster can. And I'm pretty sure he'll be harder to deal with,” She finished with an exhausted sigh.
“Why should I talk to you about anything?” I asked, not really caring about her answer.
“Because I'm that mysterious counsellor none of you guys have met, and I think you might be troubled by a few things,” She answered honestly. I felt a little bad for my earlier assumption about the counsellor. But I still wouldn't talk. She pretty much got that from my expression I guess because she sighed a second time and left.
“Bye Michael,” she said. Ten minutes later the headmaster appeared, medium everything with a black suit on. He gestured for me to go into his office. I guess I should think of it as a record that I hadn't met him in person until now.
“Want to explain where you got this from?” He said, placing something in the centre of his desk, it was wrapped in a see-through bag.
“That isn't mine,” the words were out of my mouth straight away as I wondered who it actually belonged to. The headmaster gave me a look that said he didn't believe me.
“You want to see my wrists or something as proof?” I asked, pulling up my sleeves showing the bare skin. He nodded slightly to show I could cover them again.
“Then do you have any idea who might use this? And who would think to drop it by your locker?” he asked. I looked at the razor more closely and had to repress the urge to feel ill. There was still some dried blood on it.
“Can't you find out who from that?” I asked, pointing at it and trying hard to not faint or anything. Someone I knew was attacking themselves. Wait.
“It could be Amber's, she-” I began
“We've already questioned her about this and concluded she doesn't have anything to do with it. Who else spends a lot of time round your locker? This probably fell out of someone's pocket by accident,” He said taking the bag and putting it away. Thank lord for that, starring at it a second longer I might've ran to the bathroom. I didn't have an issue with blood or anything. Just the whole idea of someone hurting themselves like that. Why was it that out of nowhere I was learning horrible things about the people I knew? Amber was one thing, but someone who hung around my locker a lot? Kim, Lily, Derek, James. Heck anyone who likes Derek enough to walk up and say hi to me in the corridor.
“It's a long list,” I said, rubbing my hand over my forehead and through my hair. He nodded.
“I expected that, try and have it written by the end of the day.” With that he motioned for the door and I was free to go my next lesson. Yeah, like I was going to concentrate on drama after learning this.
As I walked into the room I couldn't help searching the room, wondering who it could be. It was a warm day today, so a lot of people were in short-sleeves things and thin cardigans. I understood why they suspected me, always hiding in my hoodies. I couldn't wait till Kim and Lily arrived so I could at least tell someone. But what if its one of them? They hang around my locker the most afterall.
“Hey,” Kim said with a wave before plopping onto the black flooring. I settled next to her and noted she was wearing a vest top. So couldn't be her.
“Are you okay? You look a little pale,” She said, forehead burrowed in concern.
“I just learnt something a little...big,” I finished lamely. Her eyes widen and I wondered if maybe it had been her. But the smile didn't work with the expression.
“Did you tell Derek at last?” That threw me for a loop or two.
“No,” I said, hoping people hadn't overheard.
“Oh, well you really should,” Kim said, leaning back to she was lying on the floor. I contemplated telling her Zack's story but remembered Lily's own response at the time. It was unfair to just tell people that sort of thing.
“Is the drama teacher late or something today?” Lily asked, sitting down on my other side. She was wearing a thin, long-sleeved jumper and I felt something twist. No, she wouldn't. She was far too balanced and sure of herself. Hadn't that been the case with Amber too? Before I could ask Lily if we could talk in private Derek walked in. Based on his expression he was pissed. He sat down next to us silently and didn't say anything. We all watched him for a few seconds but clearly he wasn't interested in talking.
“Lily-” I began
“You were right, Michael,” Derek said, still looking straight ahead. I paused, unsure what he was talking about. It could've been a dozen different things after this whole week.
“Amber is a bitch,” He muttered. Me, Lily and Kim all shared a glanced which resulted in all of us shrugging our shoulders.
“What happened?” Lily asked, scooting closer to him but being careful not to invade his personal space too much.
“She ended it,” He muttered, he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms round them. I knew I was meant to feel sad for him but all I could think was thank lord. I put up with Amber enough without her hanging off Derek's arm. Kim sent me a glance and motioned to Derek. I raised an eyebrow to her. She emphasised by moving her hand towards him as well.
“No,” I whispered, understanding what she was telling me to do.
“If you don't do it now you might not get another chance,” She whispered back. I just shook my head and sat their stubbornly. Kim let out a sigh and muttered about how dumb guys were. But if I'd told him now like she had suggested, wouldn't I have been taking advantage of how vulnerable he was? I couldn't do that.