Hi I have posted this story on several websites hoping to get the feedback and editing that this story needs. This story is about someone who wakes up in a catacomb with no name, no memory and a wristband that leads her into death traps with no way out but to use wits to survive. I am looking for spelling and grammer editing but more importantly looking for the storyline is it ok? All I ask is that the crituquing I may get to be friendly. Please no name calling or rudeness. Thanks hope you enjoy
I shuddered and curled up protecting myself from the harsh breeze. I felt my bare skin pressed up against a cement floor and I opened my eyes trying to focus them to my surroundings.It was barely light enough to see. I stood up slowly, and noticed I was on a cement island surrounded by dark, murky water. Frantically I spun around in a circle looking for a way out. Tears filled up my eyes and my heart started to pound I was more terrified that I didn't know where I was at or how I got there than the fact I was so exposed. I sat down trying not to cry but later found myself shrieking in fear and sobbing pathetically hoping somehow I would be able to get out of this place. I looked down at the water at my reflection, my dark hair mid length and severely ratted my face thin and malnourished, my baby blue eyes were filled with fear. I suddenly felt sick. I didn't know who's reflection that was. I didn't know who I even was, no memory, or even a name. All I knew was my age was somewhere around fifteen or sixteen years old.
I took my fist about to slam it to the ground but I noticed something silver around my wrist. I examined it, a wristband with a blinking screen. Wires ran in and out of my pale ivory skin and back to the wristband.
The red letters blinked: Number twelve go North. I backed up while tugging on the wires. I was shocked I hadn't noticed it before. The screen started blinking red: "Number twelve warning." I ignored the blinking message desperately tugging to get the wires out without hurting myself. The screen started to beep and the message changed, Number twelve: warning mode activated. Pain jolted up my arm and into my entire body. I screeched in pain curling up on the floor waiting for the unforgiving pain to stop. Everything went black.
I woke up weak and unable to really move. My stomach turning. I tried to sit up but when I failed I ended up getting sick where I was laying. After ten minutes I carefully stood up fighting back more nausea. My throat burned and my mouth was dry, tears streamed down my face I didn't like feeling so helpless and alone. I glared down at the wristband. Go North it says. I looked at the water. I hope I can swim..
I first put my bare feet in the water it wasn't as cold as I expected and it felt thicker than normal water did. I wondered if it was algae. I shook my head in frustration. I had no choice but to see if I could swim. There was a great chance that I could sink but my chances of survival on this cement island weren't any better. I held my breath and stiffened up as I pushed myself off the edge of the cement. Pain jolted up my legs at my feet hit the bottom of the ground. The water only ran about two feet deep. I sighed in relief. I walked forward north through the thick water stepping and slipping on rocks and sticks beneath me. After about a half hour of stumbling on rocks and sticks I noticed a wall in front of me with a cave about six feet up. I jumped trying to reach the cave but landed hard on my tail bone. Tears filled up my eyes I knew I had to have gotten a bruise. I lifted up the stick I landed on about to throw it at the wall. My eyes widened my mouth felt dry, my airway started to close. It wasn't a stick but a bone. Frantically I felt around the water picking up the rocks and sticks only to find they were really skulls and bones, most covered in a thick black algae. I spun around looking down at the black thick water. Spikes were shooting up from the ground I knew that if I didn't get up to the cave the spikes would make their way to me and kill me. I jumped up trying to grasp onto the edge of the cave. The tips of my fingers started to slip underneath the muddy cave I slid down the wall landing on my ankle then falling on my behind. I ignored the pain and jumped up again determined to get up that cave. I looked behind me at the spikes growing closer to me I knew I had seconds to get up there. I jumped trying to push my feet up against the muddy slippery wall, my hands started to slip from the edge of the cave. I looked down at the spikes growing beneath me. I knew If I fell now I would surely die. I felt myself slip. I felt blood running down my hands from my fingernails digging into the dirt and mud.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I looked down at the spikes I had no choice but to fall. I relax my hands and legs letting go of the wall completely.
I looked down at the spikes that seemed to get further away from me. It took a while to notice that I was being pulled up. I couldn't see my rescuer's face until I had been pulled all the way up into the cave. Unable to say anything I examined the boy He was bone thin like me. He looked to be about thirteen. He was wearing black and white striped clothes that were way too large and a silver wrist band identical to mine. His hair was a light blonde a little bit past his ears, covered in short dreadlocks and ratted out with clumps of dirt, mud and twigs. His green eyes seemed to be examining me at the same time. I glared and folded my arms over my chest. He turned red glancing away shamefully. He pulled his shirt over his head.
"Here take this." He said tossing the shirt to me. I put it on. It went to my knees, it was a lot bigger than I had thought it was.
"Thanks," I said looking at his ribcage sticking out through his under shirt. Questions started to race through my mind. Was he a person just like me? Has he been trapped with no memory? No name?
"I know you must have a thousand questions but we need to get out of here. Another trap is on it's way." He said grabbing me on the wrist.
Number twenty-seven go south. Number twelve go south.
Our wrist bands beamed loudly. I looked over at him to explain.
He nodded his head to the south, "This way! Come on!"
There was a loud clicking sound that seemed to get louder the further we went on. I looked over at him nervously but he continued onward until we reached the trap. I backed up nervously my mouth gaped open in shock.