Can't Let you Go

Falling in love is dangerous.

              Another blank stare from Dr. Travis, everyday it seems to be the same thing. I sit on this empty chair, pouring my heart out to man that doesn’t understand. Maybe it’s the bald spot on his head; it seems to let any common sense he has seep right out of him. He stares at me, I stare at him, nothing but the stale air sits in-between us.
             
              “Tell me again how it happened, Charlotte” Dr. Travis’s milky voice guides over me taking my mind to memories, I don’t know if I can bear remembering.
              
                I remember the rain the most, the cold droplets hitting my face. I couldn’t see anything at a distance while I ran up to the school building, everything washed over by the rain. When I got inside, it was even colder. I remember the shivers, but soon Adam was there. His face as lovely as it was every day. I remember thinking what a beautiful boyfriend I had. Adam had only moved to my neighbourhood 3 months ago. He was the shy newcomer, I remember the first day of classes, I could tell he was nervous as he walked into Mr. Darnley’s AP English class. But nobody even gave him a second glance besides me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He sat in the empty desk across from mine. That morning was one of the best mornings of my life.  He made the first move of course, asking me for a note he could copy down, he then took the opportunity to introduce himself. After that the name Adam never left my mind. 

Some people would say it was strange how attached we became in such a short time,  but I knew from the very first time I looked into his eyes that he was somebody that I just couldn’t live without. Adam and I talked about everything. He helped me heal after my mother’s death as cancer had took her from me five months beforehand, and I helped him see what a good person he was, for two months it was as if everything in my life was right. Honestly, I couldn’t say exactly when things started to crumble, but I do know it wasn’t entirely Adam’s fault.


               The week before exam’s, my best friend Connor always seemed to be around me, I mean we were best friends so it was fun being around him, but that week it was like he wouldn’t leave me alone. Our conversations 

were deeper and more meaningful which was different because our friendship had always been based around our similar sense of humor. I remember the first day Adam got mad at Connor; it was because he had put his arm around me. Adam yelled and screamed horrible names at him; I can’t forget the look of confusion and fear in Connors eyes, Adam stormed out of my bedroom, slamming the door so loud that I wouldn’t be shocked if our whole house rumbled.  I suppose that should have been my first warning that something was wrong, but I just took it as misunderstood jealously.

“Charlotte, you need to concentrate okay? When I get back you need to tell me what happened to Conner in your kitchen.”  Dr. Travis said as he stood up to refill his cup, of what smelt like black coffee.          I sat in the uncomfortable brown chair that seems to be made out of sandpaper, waiting for the elderly man to return. The door open as he steps out of the room, the creak the door makes is so memorizing, almost as memorizing as Adam’s voice. Sharp but delicate, I stare at the door begging it to creak once more, it still didn’t move though. I move back and forth on the sandpaper chair, open you stupid creak filled door! I can’t take this type of anticipation I need to hear that creak, I need to hear Adam. I hear footsteps, I rock back faster, the door is about to be open, I am about to hear him. Dr. Travis opens the door and I stop moving as the memorizing creak fills my desperate ears. Adam saves me once again. “Now Charlotte, the kitchen”

           This is always the worst part of my days, the kitchen.  I know what people think about me when I start talking about the kitchen; they think that I am trying to defend Adam because of what he did. They think that he was dangerous, to me, to my family and especially to Connor.  And I know that he was dangerous, he killed my best friend but it doesn’t matter I still love him, I still need him but I never tell Dr. Travis that part.

            “I could feel his cold blue eyes on me. His breath sending shivers down my neck as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. I turned around pressed my face into his chest. It was so warm. But the smell death surrounded us; I could feel the blood on my hands dripping from my fingers, landing on the floor next to Connor. I wanted to cry. But in the warm embrace of Adam, I felt strong and protected and loved.”  I said to Dr. Travis, trying to remember what happened that night.

         “Do you remember the mirror in your kitchen Charlotte; can you tell me what you saw in the mirror that night?” Dr. Travis interrupted.

         “I could feel the gentleness of Adams hand playing in my hair as he comforted me. The hands that caused such violence just moments ago were now gentle and soft, the hardness and anger was long gone. And the boy I fell in love with was back. His lips lightly kissed my forehead; it was tender and sweet, it was like nothing was wrong, everything was normal again.”  I continued.

          “No Charlotte, concentrate on the mirror.”

         “The mirror, it was hanging behind Adam, it was smeared with blood. I could see myself in the mirror, I could see Connor on the ground.” My voice shook with the same fear I felt that night.

         “Charlotte, think harder what exactly did you see in the mirror?” Dr. Travis insisted.

            “I saw so much blood, Connor shouldn’t have been there. He knew… he knew I was with Adam. He was so angry; Adam he didn’t know what to do, he was too angry to think straight, he didn’t mean to hurt Connor so badly. I saw blood in the mirror.” 

Dr. Travis reached over to hold my knees.

            “Charlotte, Adam was not there with you. Adam is in your mind, now think and tell me what you saw in the mirror.” 

            “ADAM WAS THERE! He was there, he killed Connor, and he loves me! He needs me! What do you want from me?! Where is Adam? I want to see him right now! You can’t keep us apart!” My mind was spinning 

with hysteria.

 The cold hands grasp my arms tight, I couldn’t breathe…they wouldn’t let me breathe. I see the needle; I felt it as they stabbed me. It was all over. No more remembering.

                Once again I woke up in the whiteness but it wasn’t cold like it was in the school so many days ago, here it was warm as Adam hugged me, he murmured sweet nothings into my ears,

         “I love you Adam” I whispered as his lips claimed mine. 

The End

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