Telling people how you feel is hard, but keeping it all in is harder. This is kind of just random rants from me... might not be top quality.. :)
You know what is worse than physical pain?? It's emotional pain. I can handle being beat down, hit, and scarred. However, I can't handle my brain after that. My train of thought goes wild. I think of what could have happened, how I could of stopped it, and all the worst future scenarios that could happen.
I can handle what he did to me. I hate it, but I can handle it. I just suppress it behind my crazy life. But I can't suppress my subconscious. Obviously, that's why it is called subconscious. I can't handle reliving that horrible day night after night. I can't handle waking up crying, sweating, and terrified. I can't handle three hours of sleep a night. It's just too hard. I can't handle all of this and still be the old me.
No one. NO ONE but him and I truly knows what happened. The me that everyone used to know died on that day. How do I hide it? How do I explain how I changed so much in three short months? I can't do all of this and be the "Valedictorian", "Most Likely to Succeed", and "Kindest Student." I can't be the me that everyone knew, loved, and expected. I hope they get used to it.
I hate how he acts like nothing happened. He stole my innocence and still treats me normally. Still treats me like his baby cousin. No. That's not happening. I wish he'd stop coming over all the time. Truth is, I wish this could all just be over...
But I know, no matter what... I can't escape it.