Mum says I'm going to a special school.
She finally found out about the bullying when a teacher called her after a bin was dumped on my head. I'm still trying to get the smell out of my hair. Danny came over after school to see how I was, but I told her I was fine and to go away. I didn't want her pity. I don't want anyones pity. They all feel sorry for me, I know they do, everyone looks at me when I walk past, and they whisper. It's always that poor girl, or there's the one who thinks she can't hear. It's so stupid. I hate it.
I don't want to go to a special school.
Aunty has been talking to Mum, I listened to them last night when they didn't know I was there. I remember some of their conversation, or what Aunty said at least, maybe I'll know what they meant when I'm older, so I'll write down what I remember.
"You need to get out more Sis . . . Don't give me that look. you know what I mean . . . No . . . No, not that, you'll get her confused . . . I know I do it, but that's different. My son knows the difference, she doesn't . . . Mandy I mean it, you can't just live the rest of your life doing nothing, you got to socialise . . . You know what I mean, just 'cause you can't talk doesn't mean you can't socialise . . . What do I suggest? I suggest you go to one of those groups, you know, the disability ones . . . No I don't think of you as dis- . . . Mandy that's not what I meant and you know it."
There wasn't much I could hear after that, and it wasn't long before Aunty left. I heard Mum crying last night though, which is really hard to do, because she doesn't make a sound, just really heavy breathing that jumps. I wanted to ask if she was alright, but didn't want to go in her room either. So I let her be.
I'm really scared, my life's changing, I'm going to a new school, my Mum's upset and my hearing is getting heaps worse and I can't do anything about any of it. I don't know what to do.
I'm really tired now. I'm going to bed.