It’s as if we as humans go through our whole lives trying to avoid the inevitable, the one certain thing we will all experience. We swallow, shoot up and inflict our bodies with endless cures just to make our moments last just a little bit longer.
Roman. A man, a soldier who was giving up in the middle of his fight. Here he was, dying. Day by day his sickness invaded further into the deep, unseen crevices of his body. And he starred up at me, a small hint of a smile of his thin face. The warm tears fell from my eyes as I tried to strain a smile in return.
“Thank you Margo,” he whispered.
I couldn’t hold it in for a second longer. My body folded in the stiff chair and I began to cry. My body convulsed with sobs and it felt as if my brain had completely crashed. Only hushed anguished moans came from my lips as I tried to keep my ocean of sadness contained. I closed my eyes tightly as the walls closed in around us and when I opened them again, I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air and my hands went white trying to grasp the arms of the chair for some kind of stability, normalcy.
It felt as if hours had passed before I could bring myself to look at the worn down body in the bed next to me. Roman was still there, gazing back at me with his strained smile.
“Why are you crying?” he asked.
I scoffed in complete disbelief.
“Because…” I thought for a minute. I wanted to believe that him dying was the one thing tearing at fibers of my being but instead, it was much, much stronger. “Because I love you. I have since we first spoke. And I have this crazy feeling that I always will.”
My eyes met his intense stare once more and his smile fell. In all the years we had known each other that was the first time I had seen him genuinely distraught. His chin began to tremble and he quickly turned away from me.
Roman licked his lips multiple times before he let his tears slip down his cheeks.
“I know,” he finally said. “Just please know that what you have given me these last five years is something I could have never imagined. You…Margo, have been such perfection in my mad world. I wouldn’t know passion, love and grief if it weren’t for you.” He dried the salty drops on his face before looking at me again. “I love you so much.”