Call it PaybackMature

Well, I'm in love. I have been for over a year. He loved me. Past tense. He fights me, non stop. I'm a failure. :)

I can imagine it now.  Lying on the grass with him on top of me, kissing as if we were the only two people in the world. Telling me I have beautiful eyes. Cuddling the most cuddly, clingy person alive.

I never realized how much I loved it, loved him.

It's always the same, reliving the memory of the most whirlwind like relationship I have ever experienced in my life. Like a recurring dream that makes me wanna sleep my whole life away.

And again, I wake up. To the sound of my mother shouting 'Get up it's time to go to work.' So I go back to sleep for ten minutes, which to me seems like ten seconds to me.

I just can't seem to shake him out of my mind, literally. People say that and don't mean it, you'll never know the helplessness caused by the endless thoughts of being hated by someone you care about so much. They're the kind of thoughts that make a person want to break down and die.

Coffee seems to be my only saviour these days, it's the way I survive. Caffine is a way I don't turn into a monster around the kids at work. I work in a preschool by the way. Which I really can't break down or swear or anything. In other words I'm screwed.

You're out of my head for now and thank god.

Dear Life, They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But can you teach me to play dead?

The End

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