Imagine, such a fragile beautiful creature now, imagine it being drawn to you..
It was just one of those days... one of those days.. Most people say one of those days but, it straightens itself out and perhaps the next day will be better. In this case, the days would only get progressively worse. It was the nature of the disease. It was the nature of me, I had waited too long. Ah well, a day late a dollar short, that's the way it was.
And it did just that. At first I was in denial, I kept rolling the words over and over in my head. I left the Dr.'s office and wandered aimlessly for hours, only coming home.. home? Coming back to my morbid sanctuary only when the coughing spell hit. Then I cried, hard, loud, screaming at times. I cursed god and man, I asked why.. the old question of the ages WHY ME? Curling myself into a ball, I drew the curtains and crawled under my covers. This is where I would stay, this is where I would meet the Ferryman.
I had been given instructions on who to call, I was told speed was of the essence, why... so that I could live a wretched life, wracked by pain? I DON'T THINK SO!
One day I left my bed, for some reason, probably to use the bathroom. I thought I heard something at my window. I took a deep breath and painfully walked over and opened the curtain. There hanging from a web was a butterfly. It's body was caught by tendrils of the strong netting but it's wings were free. I was amazed at how large it was and how beautiful it was. The wings were a deep blue, outlined in black, with eyespots of the lightest, palest blue, below each eye was two red lines, the one at the bottom was straight and the one at the top had a curve upward.. when it spread it's wings, it was like a face, staring at me, the red mouth seemed to ask a question. Mesmerized, I watched the creature. It hung suspended, then it started to vibrate, I looked up and saw why, a spider made it's way down the web.
I didn't want to see the beautiful creature die but, I couldn't look away. It stayed still, even when the spider crawled over it, it was absolutely still. All of a sudden the creature wrapped it's six legs around the spider, it unfurled it's proboscis and harpooned the spider.. I had never seen such a thing. With all it's strength it held the spider, killing it. My mouth fell open as it lightly pulled out of the web and set down on the sill. Opening and closing it's wings. The face turned to me, the eyespots looking up at me, the mouth smiling at me...
When I was a child my grandmother had told me to watch for the beautiful butterfly. I always took it as superstition but, I found myself filled with.. strength.. I would not rant and rave instead, I would be quiet, I would be still, I would use that peaceful serenity to live my last days without fear or, anger.
I had my bed moved over to the window. The pain was not so intense anymore. I had decided not to have chemo, I took a minimal amount of pain pills and all in all, despite the disease that plagued me, I was comfortable. The butterfly stayed by my window, sometimes tapping it's wings against the pane. I would fall asleep and always, when I awakened, the butterfly was there.
One night I dreamed, I flew, I flew up to the sky, I was able to look down on mankind and smile knowing I'd been there for a while.
It was sunny, I loved the sunshine on my skin, I watched the butterfly, it flitted about, flying away, then back to the window. I drug myself out of bed, with what strength I had left, I opened the window then sank to the floor. The butterfly settled on my cheek, it's wings kissing the side of my face, I smiled.. It spread it's wings and such a feeling overtook me, something I hadn't felt since I'd been a child.. I felt light, strong, warm, no pain..
I flew, on the wings of the butterfly, I flew, looking down I saw the broken body of a human being .. but the face was peaceful.. those around me cried, I wanted to touch them, I wanted to tell them, don't cry, I am fine, I am free, I am with my butterfly..