We sniff the coke off the back of the toilets. Johnnie and I have been on a coke binge for 2 weeks now. I don't know how we're still alive.
Johnnie slumps onto the ground and grunts. His tall, skinny body looks worn, but light. I can tell he is going to die soon, but he says that's okay. It's okay with all of us.
I sniff another line and poke Johnnie in the face with my boot.
"Get up, fucker. You've got another to finish."
He's out of it now.
"Johnnie, get up."
I see his eyes twitching. My gritty fingers open his eyelids up. His eyes are rolled into the back of his head, bloodshot. Sweating.
I sit him up against the bathroom stall. I smack his face a bit.
"Johnnie, want me to go get Miranda?"
I'm too coked out to know he can't respond.
His eyes start twitching and his jaw starts jerking. He slumps to the ground again.
I pull a water bottle out of my bag and help him sit up again.
"Dude, drink this. Can you hear me? Dammit!" He opens his eyes but he is still having a hard time keeping them open.
I help him drink the water.
He starts coming to
"Johnnie, you okay?"
"Kevin? Man, I was just dreaming. You're one crazy mother fucker."
I want to tell him I think he OD'd, but I don't want him to panic. Not on coke.
"Let's go find Miranda."
We walk out of the bathroom and waltz into society. We are not normal. All the business people look at us like we're part of the devil's army. And we are.
Miranda is asking for money from these greedy bastards. Were punks. Misfits.
Miranda spots us. She runs over, tits bouncing. She says bra's are for people who let fascist men rule their lives.
She hold Johnnies' face and looks in his eyes. I can see her brows furrow.
"Babe, you good? How was it?"
"Better than ever." They kiss, I vomit. I pull her over to a corner and tell Johnnie to go pick pockets. He's good at that.
"I think Johnnie OD'd. Or was going to. Or something."
"Fuck! I knew he looked strung."
"I didn't tell him. He's probably still high."
"We need to get out of here," She's looking around a lot. "I think someone can tell what we're doing down here."
"Okay. You meet me outside and I'll go get Johnnie."
She goes up the stairs from the Subway and I go looking for Johnnie. I walk through crowds of emotionless monsters. I feel submerged. I can feel the coke pulsing through my veins, hitting my brain. I can't find Johnnie.
I'm looking everywhere but still none to be found. Has someone taken him? Beaten him? Left him in a corner to die? I'm sure Johnnie wouldn't mind but he shouldn't go that way.
I'm about to go up the stairs to tell Miranda I can't find him but I hear my name being called.
"Kevin! Kevin! Don't leave without me, you fuck."
I turn around and there he is. Eyebrow bleeding, black eye forming.
"Christ. Got caught?" I go to touch his eyebrow but he swats my hand away.
"Yeah," we walk up the stairs as he tells me what happened. "I was waiting with these other humans and I went to stick my hand in some bitches pocket but some asshole punched me before I even realized he was there. Started running and lost him in a crowd and then I found you."
We spot Miranda and go sit on the curb.
The plus side of being homeless is that people wont bother you, even if you're doing something suspicious. You are a parasite to the world, and they don't care about you. They just walk by instead of bothering you. They're afraid.
We count the cash we've managed to snag. We count 57 dollars. That's enough to score half a gram of Heroin (probably mixed with other shit). Heroin is our drug of choice.
We head to Cheddar's house, our dealer. He hands us half a gram of Heroin and a pill each.
"On the house. Try 'em and tell me what you think."
"What are they?" Miranda asks. She is suspicious all the time.
"Uppers. They're new. Just came in from Vancouver."
I look at Johnnie and Miranda.
"Wanna do 'em now?" I ask
Johnnie says yes. Miranda says no. She wants to make sure she can fix the situation in case anything goes wrong. We're willing to risk it.
We take the pills. Johnnie and I take one and a half pill each. We push them back with Captain Morgans, the only thing Cheddar had to drink. Not even water. The alcohol burns my throat but I like it. I like how familiar it is.
An hour later, were walking down the back alley of some sleezy neighborhood when the pills really start to kick in. Everything is wobbling. Everything is nothing. My legs feel a million miles in front of me. I can see all of us walking. Miranda looks beautiful. So does Johnnie. Were all beaming. Were all high. Heroin, pills, high as a kite and breaking earth's boundaries. We are elated, soaring. We are bird. We are battered birds, but so free.
"We need to find somewhere to go. To lie down together. With lots of pillows. Lots and lots of pillows." I can tell Miranda wants to get down. So we lie in the leaves of some park. The park is so dark, and no one is around.
We lie down on the pillows and I try and lie still but I keep twitching. Tweaking.
I get mad because I can't be still for them. I know they want me to be still, but I can't. I need to fucking move. I get up and walk around them in circles as they fuck each other's brains out. They move in sync with each other. Their flesh rubs together, and they swallow each other. It looks so tight and bound, but so loose and effortless. What is this I am feeling?
They finish and I can finally sit down.
"You have to try it, Kevin. You have to fuck her on these pills man, I don't know how to explain it."
"I need more Heroin." she says.
"I've got it." I load her a line on my forearm, and I can feel her face brush my hand. My senses are elated.
"Ugh." Miranda throws her head back and I can feel her eyes bat in my eardrums.
She lies back down on the ground, naked. I can see every bone. Every muscle is jumping out at me.
I want to ravage her. I want to hit every nerve. But these pills, god damn these pills. I can see Johnnie watching her and this makes me nervous.
I grit my teeth. I can feel them rot.
"Kevin... Can I have another?" She pouts.
I do just that and realize we wont have enough for tomorrow. I realize I'm going to have to turn tricks. So will Miranda. I think about dirty men with a beautiful wife and innocent children, fucking Miranda. I can see them sweaty, grunting, humping. They will pay to fuck her. I can't fuck Miranda.
I grab her hands and I can feel how warm they are on my skin. Her hands are candles and my hands are the holders. I run my hands up to her elbows, up to her shoulders. I hold her. I embrace her. I pull her in tight, so that my body envelops hers.
Johnnie is screaming in the background. I don't know about what, but he spits on me. None of this matters. I can hear Miranda breathing and I think about how one day Miranda is going to be old and have wrinkles. And one day she wont be breathing. This makes me cry. I can hear my tears hit her skin.
Miranda is still naked. Miranda is beautiful and I love her. I love Johnnie, even when he's yelling at me. They are the only things that can make the world go round.
The pills are starting to ware off and this doesn't make me happy. Miranda puts her clothes back on and we start heading for the night, ghosts of this city.