I wasn’t sure how to go about asking John out. I wasn’t really sure why I’d agreed to anyway. I mean, it’s not like he was ugly or anything, and he wasn’t ridiculously old, but... I’d never thought of him in that way, y’know?
It took me a few weeks to build up the courage to ask him out, and I’d been taking the kids over a fair amount, pretending that the reason I was over there was because they wanted to see Beau. Admittedly they did want to see Beau, but that wasn’t the main reason I was there. Anyway, the kids were off playing or doing their homework or something, and me and John were relaxing on the couch with a glass of wine each. I wasn’t much of a wine person, but I always seemed to drink wine around John. I know I had with Eden too, but she wasn’t afraid to have a beer every now and then.
“John, can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, not looking up from my glass.
“Sure” he smiled.
Okay, Hadley, here goes. “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go on a date with me”
“Oh...” John trailed off and I looked up at him, seeing him biting down on his lower lip. “Listen, Hadley, I’d love to, but...” he trailed off again, glancing at a picture of Cayden and him from when they were first going out. He’d kept it after all this time, and when Cayden had died, he’d put it in a frame on the coffee table.
“I understand that, but he wouldn’t want you to be alone. And I know he’d want you to be with someone he approves of, someone he can trust”
John bit his lip a little more. “I just... He was the only one for me, y’know?”
I nodded. That was how I’d felt about Maxxie, until I realised he wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life alone and sad. I stroked John’s cheek, smiling a little when he turned his head to meet my hand. And then before either of us really knew what was happening, we were kissing. Nothing heated, just a slow, gentle kiss. I crept onto his lap when he stretched out on the couch, kneeling over him, my palms against his neck. His hands ghosted down to my hips as I teased is lips apart, tempting his tongue to work with mine.
“Stay here tonight” he begged.
The kids had already had dinner, so we tracked them down, letting them know we were staying there for the night. John asked Beau to lend Lily some pyjamas, and he gave Danny a t-shirt to sleep in. He offered me a t-shirt, but I said I was fine in mine, and the two of us headed up to bed after making out on the couch a little longer.
One thing led to another, and... well, the sex was fabulous. I know me and John had fucked before, but that was usually because one of us was angry or upset, but this... This was different. This was us fucking because we cared enough to try and make something of it. I know that sounds like a bad way to start a relationship, but we’d known each other long enough to not need to worry about getting to know each other, since the only things we didn’t really know about each other was what we liked in the bedroom.
Although there was something I found out about John that night. He didn’t top because of the likely reason. Let me explain it. Most guys that top do so because they like being in control, or because they prefer it, or for some reason or another, they’re not comfortable bottoming. John, however, topped because he knew his lover enjoyed it. He’d told me that, though he preferred topping, he would happily bottom if he knew his partner would enjoy topping more. I couldn’t fault him for that. If anything, I admired him for it. After all, Maxxie had preferred being topped, but I’d still made him do the fucking for the eight years we were together.
Maxxie... Would he approve of me and John being together? I mean, John raped him. I know he’d forgiven him for the most part, but still... Maybe he’d known Cayden’s plan all along? Maybe he’d suggested it?
I let out a sigh, cuddling up to John a little more. John had fallen asleep after the third time we’d fucked, but thoughts of Maxxie had kept me up. I guess I felt bad for John, as well. I mean he’d clung to Cayden for the past five years now. I know I hadn’t gotten over Maxxie by a long shot, but I’d at least managed to find ways to dull the pain of his absence. Even if the last two attempts at moving on had gone up shit creek. I buried my head in John’s neck, hoping all this thinking would help me dream about Maxxie.