The first few months on my own were tougher than I thought they’d be. There was a serious shortage of staff at the hospital, so I kept having to take extra shifts. And with it just being me and the kids, there was no one else about to look after them while I was at work. I ended up relying on John, Alex and Mom a lot more than I was proud of, but at least the kids were happy.
Lewis settled in with Karen and Gramps, and I kept to my promise, going to visit him every weekend, provided I wasn’t working. It’d been around four months since I split with Sarah, and I felt a little bad since I hadn’t been able to visit Lewis in a few weeks because of work. Danny and Lily still went to see him, but I only got to see him for a few minutes when I came by to pick up the kids.
The three of us made our way over, and Danny smiled at Lewis when he saw him. Lewis was sat on Gramps lap watching TV, and Lily went off in search of Karen. I guess I felt kind of bad for Lily, as well. Mom and Karen were the closest thing she had to a mother figure since I’d robbed her of both chances she’d had so far. Lewis wriggled off Gramps’ lap, going off with Danny as I sat with the old man. I asked him how he was, laughing when he grumbled about being old. He patted me on the back when I grumbled about being exhausted.
"I feel like I could sleep a good hundred years" I said and he laughed, listening to me grumble a bit more. "Reckon I can steal a nap while the kids are busy?" I laughed.
"Could do, if you want. There's a spare room upstairs"
I wandered upstairs, seeing Danny and Lewis sat in Lewis’ room, all cuddled up together. I watched them from where I was stood, hoping they couldn’t see me. I watched as Lewis sort of hesitated a little before leaning over and kissing Danny. Well, that’s not something you see every day. Danny kissed back, and Lewis blushed. Danny just smiled at him.
"Sorry" Lewis said, his cheeks still bright red.
"What for?" Danny asked, tilting his head and sounding confused.
"I was curious" Lewis said, his gaze drifting to the floor.
"S'fine" Danny smiled.
"It wasn't icky?” he asked and Danny shook his head.
Danny tilted his head a little, apparently picking up on something I was missing. Lewis glanced at him and Danny flashed him a smile, which Lewis didn’t really return properly. Danny leant over, pecking him on the lips and I couldn’t help being a little amused. If only Sarah could see her boy now...
"So what've you two been up to?" I asked, walking in and trying not to laugh as the both of them jumped. Lewis had this guilty look on his face. "What's the guilty face for, sport?"
"Nothing. I need to pee" he said, rushing off to pee and looking as guilty as ever.
I questioned Danny on what had happened, even though I knew full well, and went off to find Lewis. I heard the tap running in the bathroom and knocked on the door. Lewis opened it, his hands still wet, and I let him dry them before taking him off to another room to have a chat with him. I sat down on the floor, noticing Lewis was keeping out of arm’s reach, his eyes on the floor.
"So, Danny told me what happened" I said, gesturing for him to come over to me. “I'm not gonna hurt you" I said when he didn’t move and he shuffled over to me. I smiled, playing with his hair, and he looked at me with innocent eyes. “What?”
I sat Lewis down on my knee, knowing he was probably scared or embarrassed, or a bit of both. I guess at least I had the advantage this time, give that I’d been fucking terrified when I started figuring out I liked guys. That’s not to say that Lewis did, but he was obviously keen to experiment, even at his young age.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, sport. It's not like you've done anything wrong" I said, hoping it’d make him feel a little better, at least.
"You and Karen keep saying it's okay but I feel like I did something wrong"
"Why?" I asked curiously, knowing it was probably something to do with Sarah.
"I don't know” he said innocently.
"You didn't do anything wrong, sport"
He was quiet then and I played with his hair, trying to make him feel better.
"If it's not bad, why do I feel so weird?" he asked.
"Probably because this is all new to you, kiddo. You wouldn't believe how weird I felt when I first ot with Danny and Lily's daddy" I chuckled.
"Did your mommy tell you kissing boys was bad too?" he asked and I shook my head.
"Far from it"
“I know you said it's not icky but now I don't know what to think"
I kept playing with his hair as he puzzled it over, working himself up over it. He leant on me, sniffling a little as he cuddled up to me. I told him not to worry too much about it, doing my best to cheer him up when he turned into a blubbering mess, wailing about how people will think he’s icky and bad. I did my best to assure him they wouldn’t, and he eventually calmed down, apologising for crying “because it’s girly”. I told him it’s not and he leant his head on my chest.
"Listen, sport, you can kiss whoever you want to, but that doesn't mean you have to start worrying about it yet" I smiled.
He didn’t seem to understand why he shouldn’t worry, but he nodded anyway.
"Now, Papa needs a nap" I chuckled.
"Wanna join me?" I laughed and he nodded.
We went off and found Danny to see if he wanted to join us, the three of us traipsing off to the spare room and flopping down on the bed. I cuddled the both of them, falling asleep a hell of a lot faster than them.