I was sat on the couch when Maxxie showed up. He sat with me, worried, and I rested my head on his shoulder, somewhere between sniffling back tears and bawling my eyes out. I felt myself sink into him as he started playing with my hair, trying to comfort me and calm me down.
"What am I gonna do?" I sniffled.
"Get some help. Get her out of your life"
"Call me stupid, but I still care about her"
Maxxie sighed slightly. "You can't live like this though, gorgeous*
I sniffled again. "It's fine, as long as she doesn't hurt the kids"
"It's not fine at all" he said, cuddling me tightly. "I don't want to see you hurting. You don't deserve it"
I didn’t say anything to that.
"If you want to stay with her, then it's up to you. I just wish I could do more than sit in on your dreams"
"It's okay, I'll be alright"
"I hope so, Bunny. I love you"
"I love you too"
He planted a kiss on my lips and I kissed back, still remembering his lips.
"How're things with Cayden, anyway?" I asked, pretending that it didn’t annoy me knowing they were together.
"We're good" he smiled and I smiled back. "He says hi"
"Tell him I say hi too"
I snuggled up to Maxxie as best as I could with a broken arm, noticing him being careful around me.
"D'you think I've done the right thing?" I asked.
It’d been bugging me since things went tits up with Eden. Maybe if we’d just stayed friends, I could be with the guy or girl of my dreams now. Well, maybe not the guy of my dreams, since he was in a wooden box buried in the dry California soil, but you get what I mean.
"About what?" Maxxie questioned.
"Everything. Since you..."
"You've done the best you can for you and the kids" he smiled.
"What if I haven't, though?"
"You have. Maybe you haven't done the best for you," he said, glancing at my arm, "but you have for the kids"
"One hundred percent"
He played with my hair when I nuzzled him, glad that he at least seemed to think I’d done okay. Fuck, I missed him. I missed being able to ask him stupid questions. I missed hearing his approval over things that I wasn’t sure about. I missed his encouragement whenever I started to doubt myself. I let out a quiet sigh and he tilted his head questioningly.
"I still miss you" I said and he sighed.
"I'm sorry, gorgeous. I miss you too"
"I thought it would've gotten easier by now"
I leant my head on his shoulder again, sniffling when I felt his head on top of mine.
"You'll be okay, Bunny. You've got Alex there to help you out and he's hardly going anywhere any time soon. You've got Caleb. And you have the kids"
"I s'pose you have me as well, when you're asleep. Can't do a lot of good from here, but I'm still around for you"
"Thanks" I said and he kissed my cheek.
I let out a hum, the two of us pressing ourselves against each other. I missed his familiar warmth beside me at night. Sleeping next to Sarah wasn’t the same. If she’d gotten her way that day, she’d sleep snuggled up to me, but if I’d pissed her off too much or I hadn’t been in the mood to fuck, it was like sleeping next to an ice sculpture. I missed Maxxie’s scent. It’d long since faded from his clothes, and the weird dreams I had like this one were the only time I got to smell him again, but for some reason once I woke up, I couldn’t remember it clearly enough to enjoy it.
Maxxie dozed off after a while and I watched him sleep. I’d missed that too. I’d been too busy trying to get on with my life to really think about him much. I hadn’t visited his grave in forever, and the kids hadn’t asked me to take them, so they’d either been doing the same or they didn’t want to ask me to take them to his grave. I played with his hair after a while, smiling a little when he squeezed me every now and then, as if he was making sure I was still there. He shifted so his head was nestled in my neck and I kissed the top of his head. He woke up a little then, nuzzling my neck gently.
"Please don't go anywhere" he said, sort of smushing his face into my shoulder.
"I have to, gorgeous" I said and he let put a whine. "Sorry"
"It's not your fault" he insisted and I kissed the top of his head again. "Just miss you" he mumbled.
"I miss you too"
He nuzzled me and I let out a hum, feeling myself get kinda sleepy. Maxxie clung to me a little and I let out a yawn, snuggling up to him. I felt his lips grace my cheek.
"I really love you" he said.
"I love you too"
He buried his head in my neck and I leant my head on top of his, falling asleep.