Hands Tied by Toni Braxton played on his phone.
I repeated, "I promise I won't be mad. You didn't have a boyfriend and we weren't talking anymore. I won't be mad. You just feel different."
He said, "is it a bad different?"
"I don't know. It's different."
He sighed, " five... five bodies."
"Yeah, Giovanni... Dewayne... Bryson... Aar..."
I quickly interjected, "You don't have to tell me."
"You okay?" He sounded concern.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Thank you for telling me and being honest." I tried to sound genuine.
"No problem. Let me grab the lysol towels from that dispenser, so we can wipe this down."
It bothered me that he has been with five men over the course of the week and a half, we weren't together.
Mike Anthony's Touch played as I watched him jog over to the dispenser. I was slowly becoming upset but didn't want to show it. It is bothering me.
Even though I enjoyed him being in me, he still felt differently. He was experienced and more determined to pleasing me even though I don't like being pleased in that matter.
"You okay?" He said as he passed me a few lysol wipes. I started to scrub the slide as I finished, "yes. You just fucked the shit out of me. Can I recover?"
He climbed to where he first laid me down and started wiping everything down.
I stared at him and thought, "five men though? Did you just want to erase me?"
He said, "you say something?"
I said outloud, "um, don't forget the sand wheel. That would be your ass print."
I stare at him as I scrubbed the crevasses of the playground.
"I love you but I hate you so much. I won't let this make me feel upset. Instead of being afraid of how you would feel, next time I'll enjoy the moment. I deserve to not have to put you before me."
I looked up at him and he was staring at me.
He slid down the slide, "you are allowed to be mad at me. I shouldn't have touched those men, but I was angry and I explored. Honest."
I looked down trying to hid my true feelings.
"Please don't justify your actions. I'm not mad." I lied and finished, "can we go home now?"
He grabbed my hand and we started walking towards the end of the playground.