I continued to talk with Malik for another three hours. I needed to catch up with him. Rachel, my other bestfriend also jumped in to the conversation. It was amazing talking to them again and helped me get a grip of what was going on in my life. I came down to Atlanta (to one), be with my partner and (two), to learn if I can be an openly gay male. Rachel and Malik reminded me, that I'm not an openly gay male. I've been down here for about two weeks now, and the gay culture has heighten and indulged my personality and well being. This is the very conversation that Demetreus tried to warn me about. I became too optimistic and ignored his warning. He was just trying to protect me, like I always do to him. I got so caught up in the rainbow aura that I losing myself. This isn't who I want to be when I return to Brooklyn next week. How do I fix this?
I proceeded to get dressed for the event tonight. It takes me about two hours to get ready. I went downstairs after having a great connection with Rachel and Malik, to find a group of gorgeous people waiting for me. Our styles were a bit different as everyone were in business casualties (blazers, ties, dresses) while I was in all black (long t shirt, denim) with gold accessories with a dope gold fitted cap. I also wore my fraternity chain to sport I was apart of Captain Ray's fraternity, making me a little more important.
Strip by Chris Brown played as everyone around me were taking pictures. All I could think about is how I've changed and am I being my true self, right now?
Brandy's Put It Down as Club Pynk was exploding with gay men. It was a lot to digest. They were flamboyant and bigger men of all colors and races there. I felt like I was a fruit ready to be plucked and harvest. The stares and sexual looks that I got was a bit overwhelming. I couldn't help to feel uncomfortable being there as I watched Dewayne walk up to me. The crowd that I came with, were being greeted as I stood there, awkwardly. A hard layer of mist poured from the ceiling cooling down the people that were dancing. I have never experienced anything like this.
He looked great, wearing all gold with black accessories.
"Hey cutie!" He said as he tried to kiss me. I moved my head. I was too uncomfortable to display public affection.
He looked back at his friends as they giggled. He said with an attitude, "I'm good to fuck behind closed doors but you can't kiss me in public."
I scoffed, "chill, it's not even like that."
I kissed him on his neck and slapped him on his ass as I whispered, "go talk to your hens."
He liked it. I smiled as I became nervous again. I walked over with Byron and Marisa and sat down. This place was so gay, that it could squirt fairy dust. There were Drag Kings and Queens everywhere and men passing out condoms and pamphlets about safe sex. This was a bit to much for me to handle. I took a deep breath as I realized this isn't me. This isn't what I want.
Mutha Goose took the stage.
"Ladies and Lady Boys may I have you attention please!"
He rung a bell and every turned to face the stage.
The lights dimmed as a pink spotlight focused on Mutha. He was wearing all black denim with gold and green peacock feathers blazing from his pants. His lipstick was gold with a green stripe.
"Hello to all my beautiful bitchez, I am your Queen host for the evening!!"