Bright Side of Life

A mango tries to escape a large, cutting machine intent on making him easier for humans to eat.

A farmer gently holds a box of mangoes and gingerly walks to an assembly line. Smiling, he dumps the mangoes onto the line, squishing and bruising many. One of these mangoes woke up screaming "AH! WHO AM I?!"

Beside him, a Jamaican mango screamed "Yur a mango man! On yuur way to the great cuttin knife god!"

The mango thought well... I guess I'll call myself Brian. Yeah, Brian! That sounds like a good name!

Brian asked "What's a knife god?"

The Jamaican cried in astonishment "Ya don know? He's here to forgive our trespasses against eachother, he as!"

Brian said "Wait, so the only way to be forgiven is to be killed?!"

The Jamaican laughed "Of course man!"

A bump in the assembly line sent mango juice flying onto Brians. Brian cried and shuffled to the very top of the assembly line. Red light reflected of the mango juice, giving an impression of blood. The Jamaican yelled "Wait man! Ya can go just yet!"

Brian cried "Why?!"

The Jamaican started singing "The army knife god must claaiiimmm us!"

Every mango woke up and started singing with him, flooding the assembly line with more juice. Brian cried and tried to move, but realized walls on either side wouldn't allow an exit. He thought is this really my purpose in life?

Brian yelled "Is this really the bright side of life?!"

The singing stopped and one of the mangoes yelled "Oh, oh, I know that song! I saw the end of the Life of Brian! Always look on the briiigghht siide of life!"

Brian yelled "No, no, I meant my purpose in li-" but it was blocked out by every other mango joining in on the song. A strange whirring filled the air. The Jamaican yelled "Ders dat blade! All hail the blade!"

A black blade appeared and the assembly line stopped. One human voice screamed "What's wrong with it now?!"

The blade stopped spinning and it mumbled "Oh... this is akward... did I by chance kill anyones family here?"

The mangoes answered with a string of nos'. Sighing, the blade yelled "Well, great! No hard feelings when I do chop you up, yeah?"

Brian screamed "Aren't you supposed to be a god or something?"

The blade sighed "Oh really, I just told everyone that the answer to all of their problems was 42!"

The mangoes murmured in a chorus "All hail blade god, all hail blade god, may his blades make us ready at anytime for the mouths of the many, may we last forever in plastic stasis, all hail blade god."

The blade yelled "No, really! I'm not a god, I'm just a serial killer!"

A shudder moved the mangoes forward and the chorus continued. Brian yelled "Wait, I'm not crazy like them, so is there a way out?!"

The blade went silent and after a long pause quickly answered "Nope."

Brian complained "But you're chopping up a hundred mangoes here! What difference could one possibly make?!"

The blade sighed "To be honest, I'm a little dull so they're replacing me soon."

Brian pleaded "Please! Just let me go!"

Jamaican mango yelled "Yo everyone, I jus felt the assemblay line movin!"

Cheers errupted from the mangoes and the line started going forwards. 

The End

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