Breast or Beastmature

I didn't realize pregnancy would be such a struggle. All my friends look like they're blossoming, but I look as though I am an overweight whale going through the menopause.

"only 3 weeks to go" I keep saying to pep myself up, but the ever growing pesemistic side of me buts in and wails "Only 3 weeks to go!!!"

And James is no help. When I told him we were expecting, he replied "expecting what?" Me trying to keep the mood going replied through clenched teeth "a baby", he then sighed "oh thank god for that I thought you were just getting fat".

So right now I am trying to get into my incredibly mini micra and fit my swelling self behind the steering wheel.

I'm so hot but I cant reach the button for the windows, I turn the air con on full blast and leg it as fast as I can home as I suddenly need a wee.

Now using the lavatory (see I tried to be a bit politer) is not that easy anymore. It takes 10 mins to get up the stairs, 5 mins to get my trousers undone. And once I am done, takes twice as long to pull them up and get down the stairs. More often then not I am needing to do it all over again when I do make it to the bottom of the stairs.

I get home, drag the shopping out the back of the car, march up the steps, realize I have left the key in the car, march back downs, get the key lock the door, rush inside up the stairs, trousers down and release. Then I could hear, movement downstairs, "oh shit I didn't shut the door" I think.

"Beth!" Oh bugger its my nosey old women from next door.Mrs Gablesbar, probably come to give me another lecture about having a child out of wed lock.

"Don't worry i've got the door, I'll put the kettle on!" Oh bloody hell thats the last thing I think as I wrench m trousers from my ankles and attempt to cover the gap that always seems to be between the top of my trousers and my t-shirt. I make my way downstairs.