The several other acts in the performance were just as stunning as the first, with the many cyclists on one bike, good-old traditional plate-spinning, and balancing on insane amounts cylindrical objects stacked on top of each other.
James, by the time it had finished, was passing out on dad’s chest. I, myself, was also pretty knackered and about ready to drop to sleep. I gave one last sweep of the audience to see if I could see him, of course I couldn’t, and it was a ridiculous thought to begin with, but I was starting to think I was obsessed. Infatuated was the word when it came to this sort of obsession. Maybe I was. Hopefully, I wasn’t, it seemed somewhat stupid, and I shoved it from my conscience.
Once back in the room, dad handed me a couple of Euros. “Head down to the internet café, talk to Jack and some of your friends or something. That’ll give you half an hour.” He said with a smile, “I’ll look after Matt for a bit.” I nodded and took them.
In the elevator on my own, I started thinking about what I would say. I knew Jack would want to talk to me and me alone. Which would mean he’d want my undivided attention as he’d give me his. I died a little inside, and then I felt a twinge of guilt mixed with longing. I missed him, and I couldn’t deny that. I did love him, and that’s what made everything so complicated. I also still had a feeling of hurt and hatred from the dream, even though it wasn’t actually real, I couldn’t shake it.
I made my way to the lobby, a late night, warm breeze swept around my bare arms before I went through the automatic doors. My footsteps echoed a little on the marble flooring, and more so as I stepped quicker down the stairs. I kept hoping, again, that I might bump into him. But, I wouldn’t.
I had to pass a group of men playing pool, and ignore as their heads turned to watch me walk past. I grew slightly hotter feeling their eyes on me, and felt awkward till I pushed open the glass door, where a slight gust of air conditioning greeted me. A small girl ran past me into a room to my left, the walls of which were made of glass, and another glass door was held open by a pale brown, weighted teddy bear with dark buttoned eyes. There was a paper sign blue-tacked to the wall from the other side that said ‘Internet Café’, which made it clear this was what I was looking for.
I went inside, and up to the desk at the back, where a man sat, who was talking to the little girl that had run in. She couldn’t have been much older than four or five, with bouncy brown curls and a cute grin spread over her face. She gave the man a hug, flinging her arms around his neck, and saying something in what sounded like Turkish, and ran back out again, still smiling.
“Can I use the internet please?” I asked after he looked at me, and acknowledged my being there. He nodded and took the coins I handed him. I pulled out the chair of the computer nearest too me, and waited for the screen to allow me to use it as he activated it. I doubled clicked internet explorer, which wasn’t my preferred browser, I couldn’t find the one I wanted on the screen, and I decided looking for it would be pointless.
I also managed to find the icon for messenger on the desktop, thankfully, and I opened that up too. I went to check my emails first, when I came across my first dilemma. I looked down to find that the keyboard was completely different, and I could not find the ‘@’ key for the email. Crap. Even after inspecting each key, I couldn’t see it. I resorted to opening up Google and typed in the words ‘email address’, genius on my part, I thought. I managed to work through it by copying and pasting the symbol into the spaces I needed.
I logged onto messenger, unsurprised to find the name that had been no doubt waiting for a popup to tell them that I had signed in. I took a deep breath, and clicked open Jack’s window. “Hey baby” I typed in, slowly, and pressed enter, but he had already sent an almost identical greeting, but with half a dozen kisses and a love-heart. I smiled faintly.
“Babe, does that webcam work?” I looked to the side of the monitor to see a spherical webcam pointing towards me. I answered that there was one there, and didn’t see why it wouldn’t, and then requested a video call.
Instantly, when I saw his cute little blonde self smiling at me through the screen, I felt a surge of happiness, and guilt, that I had to mask with a matching grin in return. “I miss you sweetie!” I put, “What’ve you been up to?” He told me about his days of not doing much other than sitting in his room and playing games, and missing having me around. He said he’d been having trouble sleeping, and had been hugging his pillow, missing me being beside him. There was a twinge in my stomach. I knew it would be like this, and that he was so hopeless without me being around. It was actually more infuriating than ‘cute’. But regardless, I replied with sympathy, telling him nothing about how I was, and how nice the place was that I was in, about how nice the people are, about how much fun I was having. He didn’t even ask, too wrapped up in his own problems.
Evidently, that’s when my own guilt started to fade. It’s not like he was even trying to be happy and have a good time just because I wasn’t there. I asked why he hadn’t gone out with friends; he said he didn’t want to, because he’d spend the whole time missing me. I had to hide my frustration from my expressions and just pleaded him to go out. He then admitted that he had been out once; he got stoned and wasted. Him drinking, I never minded so much, but I despised him smoking as it was. When it was weed, well, that was another thing. I felt so disappointed. He said he’d stop that for me, he’d used it against me more than once…
Again I masked it up with asking if he had a good time, but before I could get a decent answer from him, because I had lost all interest in talking to him, I told him that I had to go, as my half hour was almost up, which it was. I didn’t want to be cut off half sentence and have to deal with a whinge later on.
“Okay baby! I love you, and can you try and come back sometime this week? I miss you sooo much! I love you!” he wrote, followed by a long trail of kisses, which I returned in my goodbye.
I closed everything down, got up and tucked in the chair behind me as the screen flashed back to a bright blue. “Goodnight.” I said to the man behind the desk; he nodded, and I left. Pulling the glass door to walk through, ignoring the group of men still playing pool who turned to watch me again, though their attention wavered and went back to their game quicker than the previous time.
I felt just really pissed off with Jack, and vented it into my power walk, right up to the elevator, where I managed to calm down whilst standing still. When I got into the room I just slipped off my shorts and got into my t-shirt; feeling so exhausted I pretty much collapsed onto the bed, and dragged the covers that felt like a thousand tonnes in my hands, but feathery light as it lay over my body. I was asleep virtually seconds after I closed my eyes.