Why, Bob, if you're so smart, are you single?

What an interesting question. I do have an answer, but first I have one for the general universe. What's wrong with being single? Not a thing, is my answer, since I have an answer for all the questions in the universe. They may be the wrong answers, but they're still answers.

I am smart, as you so intelligently remarked. That is precisely why I am still single. I am too smart to allow my feelings to be trampled on by the modern day woman who thinks she knows everything when that isn't possible. I'm the one that knows everything, not her. Just because she makes twice the money I do, and people actually pay her to answer mind boggling questions about quantum physics, I am still smarter than she is. I told her that too. I 'm not sure, but I think that I am no longer part of a couple because she couldn't stand the fact that I'm smarter than her! I'm not bitter though. I didn't like her insistence that I bathe every day anyway.

I digress. I am single because I have yet to meet the woman of my dreams. This dream woman of mine would be between the ages of 21 and 26, not caring that I'm old enough to be her father. She would be drop dead gorgeous, have more money than God, and be as dumb as a stump.

She would marry me, and we would live in her mansion, and I would be waited on hand and foot by her small army of servants. She would love me more than shopping, and less than a crazed stalker. She would hang on my every word, and believe everything I tell her, (hence the dumb as a stump part). She would respect my wishes in all things.

If I'm not always capable of satisfying her to marital bliss in the bedroom, she would not even consider that I'm old, overweight, and undersexed. She would not even imagine that not all of my ideas are not the wisdom of the ages. She would not question any of my decisions, even the truly stupid ones. She would give me a brand new sports car every year for my birthday. One year a Porsche, the next year a Ferarri... ah such a wonderful bride she would make!

I have yet to find such a woman, and that is why I am still single.

The End

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