Usually, I’m somewhat outgoing. But being back here again, in this hellhole of a school made me simply slink back into a shell I’d been hiding in for well over two years. The teacher droned on and on and on, numbers and letters flowing out of her mouth like a waterfall of dull words and complex geometric problems. I blew out a breath as for the fifth time the blonde haired girl next to me stared over at me, looking me up and down, giggling to one of her friends with a whisper, no doubt about how she had a hopeless crush on me.
I never cared much for girls, they were decent friends, but there was never any sparks for me. Unfortunately though I had to pretend that I was a lovesick puppy dog to please my parents and give them the delusion that they would have grandchildren, and that I would make them proud, and I would make their God proud.
I shook my head at the thought of their religion, the one I had been raised in. How hypocritical it was, how a ‘loving’ God flooded the entire earth because they didn’t turn out the way he wanted. It was all a pathetic excuse to scare children into becoming old, bitter people who knew nothing of other people’s lives yet judged anyways.
The bell rang and our homework was passed out, I took it and walked down the hall towards the gym, where my next class was. I heard giggling behind me and sighed, forcing a smile to my face as the blonde girl from geometry pushed her way through the crowd to me.
“Hey Nathan!” She said smiling, pearly white teeth complimenting her tanned skin tone.
“Hello Courtney.” I said, smiling as best I could but still faced away from her.
“So ummm, I was wondering,” She said, biting her lip in an act to look cute, “I was wondering if you and I could maybe hang out sometime, and get lunch or something, because I think you’re really cute...” With that she gently took my hand, she was a sweet girl, and this was going to suck hurting her like this, but the memories were too much to bare.
“Thanks but no,” I said, releasing her hand, “I think we should just be friends.” She looked hurt as I walked away, but at that moment, whatever she felt paled to the feelings inside of my chest. I moved towards the locker room quietly.
Baby, don’t frown. You look so much better whenever you’re smiling.
I stopped for a moment as I stood in front of my locker. I could still feel his fingers laced in between mine, and his head pressed against mine with a smile.
I shook it off as best I could, getting dressed while sneaking the occasional peek at the cute guys as they undressed, but it didn’t feel right. I missed him, and that was all there was to it. I frowned as pulled on my gym shorts and walked outside to the gymnasium, where I quickly grabbed a seat on the benches.
Within a minute or so my name was called by the female teacher, and I stood in the middle of the crowd searching for my partner. Lo and behold Gabe came forward with a devilish grin and shook my hand. I knew of him because he hung out with Axel quite a bit, and since Axel was the school’s main attraction when it came to show offs, he and his friends were well known.
“A pleasure to meet you.” He said, and I smiled as genuinely as possible trying to focus on what was at hand.
But my mind and my heart just kept floating back to old memories again and again.