Scene One

the cottage
ENSEMBLE crouch in a line CS facing SR. WOMAN and MAN are SR, NARR.s 1 & 2 standing DSC.

NARR. 1: This is a tale of love and betrayal...
NARR. 2: And hair. Lots of hair.

They split and go DSR and DSL respectively.

NARR. 1: There once was a man who had a beautiful young wife.  And although they were poor, they had everything they wanted.
NARR. 2: Apart from cabbages.
NARR. 1: Yes, I'm coming to that. Well, one day, the man's wife came to him and said:
WOMAN: I'm pregnant.
NARR. 2: Which was a little bit of a shock...
MAN: What?!
NARR. 2: But hey.
NARR. 1: That's just the way the cookie crumbles. But anyway, there they were, expecting a baby.  And as women do, when they're expecting-
NARR. 2: This man's wife started having cravings.
NARR. 1: For cabbages. Now, just across their garden wall was a lovely field, full to the brim of cabbages.
WIFE: Oh, I really could just do with a cabbage right now... You couldn't just hop over the garden wall and bring me back a cabbage, could you?
MAN: Er...
NARR. 2: The only thing was-
NARR. 1: It belonged to their friendly neighbourhood witch.
MAN: But it belongs to our friendly neighbourhood witch! (aside) Who's not actually that friendly at all - who wrote this script?!
NARR. 2: Which, as you can imagine, put a dampener on things somewhat.
NARR. 1: Indeed.
MAN: I'm sorry. I wish I could get you a cabbage, but I just can't risk it! What if she saw me? She'd turn me into a frog, or something.
WOMAN: Hey, stop ad-libbing. It says here: 'man jumps over the wall and gets his wife a cabbage'. Off you pop.
MAN: Dammit.
NARR. 1: And there's just no arguing with the script, I'm afraid.

MAN jumps over the wall and into the cabbage patch. Everyone watches tensely. He picks a cabbage and is nearly over the wall again when WITCH appears SL.

WITCH: (outraged) What are you doing in my garden?! 
NARR. 1: Aw, dammit - I thought we'd got away with that one.
MAN: I'm sorry, I really really am, but you see the script, it says-
WITCH: I'm not interested in your pathetic excuses, you little thief! But... I shall be willing to offer you a deal...
MAN: You will? Oh, that's good. Thanks, and all that.
NARR. 1: But the witch's deal was very unfair.
NARR. 2: They often are - have you noticed that?
NARR. 1: Yeah... Hmm. Odd, that. Anyway. The witch's deal was-
WITCH: Yes, thank you, I can talk.
NARR. 1: (makes some general offended noise) Fine, suit yourself. (sulks)
WITCH: In exchange for that cabbage, you must give me your first-born daughter. 
NARR. 2: And the man-
NARR. 1: Who was incredibly dim-
NARR. 2: Said yes.
MAN: Yes!

WITCH exits, cackling. MAN climbs back over the wall and presents the cabbage to WOMAN.

NARR. 2: But when the man told his wife what he'd done-
NARR. 1: She wasn't at all impressed.
WOMAN: YOU DID WHAT?!?
NARR. 2: Nine months later-
NARR. 1: When the baby was born-
NARR. 2: They named her 'Rapunzel'. (to NARR. 1) Why do you suppose they called her that?
NARR. 1: (shrugs) Dunno. But, the long and short of it is, two things happened shortly afterwards:
NARR. 2: The witch came back for her promised daughter-

WITCH enters SL.

WITCH: I've come back for my promised daughter!
MAN: There you go. (gives her a bundle)

WITCH exits SL.

NARR. 1: And the wife booted out her husband.
WOMAN: Off you go.

MAN exits SR.

The End

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