Mind Blown! (comedy)Mature

It was a lovely day at Blood Red Ashes Highschool. Blood covered the walls. A student's scream was abruptly cut off. George Bob played poker with George Bob Jr., pissed off like hell that he couldn't read past the Changed's intense poker face. Humans limped through the halls to the nurse's office, moaning and crying and screaming like deranged zombies with their missing limbs and trails of blood.

Somewhere in a classroom, someone was singing.

Spider man! Spider man! Does whatever, a spider can! Climbs a wall, and shoots some webs. And he can drink like fifty kegs!

That's not how the song goes! Assassin snarled, chucking a hefty sized chair at Cheshire's head.

The Rive Tribe leader dodged it beautifully, whipping his hair out of his face like that one song Dreadknightmare only knows the title to. It goes the way I say it goes, he replied arrogantly. I am Spiderman after all! Did you not see my bio picture?

Well at least try and make it sound halfway decent!

"Says the guy singing about pineapples..." Dino muttered as he moped in a corner of the room.

Assassin cried.

The bell rang, signaling passing period was over and class was to begin. Assassin stopped crying, Dino stopped moping, and Cheshire stopped singing.

The teacher entered the room. He was wearing a gas mask and wielded a saw.

Today in Anatomy and Physiology, we'll be learning about the composition of the left arm, the teacher said. His dark eyes probed the room. Priest!

The Changed looked up. Yes sir?

Get your skinny ass to the front of the class!

Ohmygod it rhymes! Assassin squealed delightedly, scribbling it down for later use in some song or other when he was tied and locked in the Cazador camp singing about his pineapples.

Priest went to the front of the class. The teacher promptly shoved him into a chair that looked suspiciously like one of those 1960 psych experiment ones, and strapped him in, leaving his left arm free.

Now watch carefully everyone... unless you want me to do it again!

The teacher set the saw down and pulled out a vegetable peeler. He started to flay the skin off of Priest's arms.

See! That's skin. That's muscle. And that right there is a bone! Who want's some?

Me!  Me! Me! A hundred voices snarled and howled at once. The teacher threw chunks of Priest's arm at the rowdy crowd of hungry students as he continued flaying his arm.

Priest was screaming from the pain.

Stop being a baby Priest, the teacher scolded.

Once Priest's arm was pretty much devoid of flesh and tissue, the teacher sent him to the nurse's office.

Mr. Wrath, sir? Glock raised his hand.

Oh good! Another volunteer! 

No! No wait! That's not what I meant! No-


Ring Ring!

That's all for today class! Wrath shouted over the clamor of bloody students as they hurried out the door.

Red sighed, exasperated, wiping blood off her textbook. Flare-eyes skipped aongside her. Ohmygod Luuuuuunch! She sang. I have an eyeball sandwich with extra mashed up eye paste on it. Sooooo juicy! 

Red ignored the hyper Jagter child, staring forlornly out the windows as she walked down the hall to the cafeteria. Where oh where was Lusty? She hadn't seen him in Anatomy and Physiology. Or even in Culinary Arts. That was the killer right there. She had been paired up with that Ripper bitch. The stupid Changed didn't even know how to properly tenderize human toes for the soup. They came out all pale and rubbery. Disgusting.

Of course she had managed to whip together a nice fresh batch of the soup before the teacher graded it.

But couldn't account for the whereabouts of her missing partner...


Fuck the eyeballs? That's a little difficult even for you to accomplish my dear.

No! They stopped serving spaghetti and eyeballs! Flare-eyes pointed in horror at the cafeteria menu. I was going to have some with my eyeball sandwich.

NOOOO! A scream rent the air, drawing everyone's attention. 

Ringmaster was on her knees, sobbing. No eyeballs!!

Flare-eyes ran over and joined her. The horror!

The utter horror!

Oh my heart!

Oh my stomach!


I had a dream, on the menu, eyes would be
As they always are each day I'm living
For eyes are the best, so we have deemed
Now the cafeteria chefs have killed the dream I dreamed

Once that terrible Les Miserables parody ended, everyone went back doing what they usually did.

Hey! Look! It's Rebel!

Shit... how does he bend like that?

I don't know man, but I heard that he does this crazy move with his leg...

Ugh! Red covered her ears. The last thing she wanted was to hear about her ex-mate's sex life...

... and how flexible he was...

Then she spotted a dinosaur sitting in a corner, singing to himself.

"I shot the sheriff

But I didn't shoot no deputy, oh no! Oh!

Yeah! All around in my home town

They're tryin' to track me down

They say they want to bring me in guilty

But the Sherrif was some fucking asshole, not his deputy...

And I have anger issues since my bro got sent to lottery

So I shot that fat ass sheriff but not his deputy!"


Red bitch slapped Dino which ended his singing.

"What was that for?"



Dreadknightmare didn't understand it either...


As if on cue, the cafeteria doors were blown apart. From the smoke and ashes came a dark figure in a mask.

And the Game of Thrones cover with the Jason Yang clones and Roger Lima started to play.

Everyone around passed out from ear orgasms, but not Lust or Red. He swept his lovely lover off her feet.


I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Red shouted in his ear.

Lust made a signal and the band stopped playing, allowing everyone some time to breathe and get their hearing corrected.

Lust opened his mouth to say something...


He rolled his eyes and made a signal.

The band stopped.

Lust cleared his throat. Ahem! As I was about to say...


SILENCE! Lust roared over the sound of that mind blowing music.

Speaking of mind blowing, most of the students were dead by now. There's only so much of that song they can take.

Whatever do those weird band people think? Red mused aloud.

A telepathic device fell out of the sky and the band members' thoughts became known.

"Five... four... three... two..."



I SAID SHUT UP! Lust screamed.

"Okay, shutting up now." The band members fidgeted, like they were itching to play again.

Lust sighed exasperated, then smiled at Red. Okay, so where were we...

"Lust is looking around... Lust is breathing... OMG LUST IS ABOUT TO GET SOOOOME"


The End

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