The winter holiday rolled in quickly, the break in the classes only made things worse. After that night with Nathan, which I barely remember any of, I never saw him again. Apparently he dropped out of school...
I tried to call, but he never picked up, when I visited, the place was empty and back up for rent. Just like that, without a word, he vanished out of my life. Now I can't help but wonder what happened that night, did we end up sleeping together? Did he leave because of something I had done?
Even though he had gotten on my nerves more than once at school, I couldn't help but miss his presence. He was cocky but I still felt like I could count on him...
Alek is still there, but it's like he has grown distant. I can't tell if it has something to do with Nathan. That time, at his place he had kissed me. Is it because he loves me? He doesn't seem to be the kind to play around with women.
It was already three days into the winter break and all I had done was lie in bed, brooding. In this state of mind, I couldn't get myself to do anything, much less write.
I heard a knock on the door and it opened a few seconds later. "Dinner's ready, honey." My mom say, peeking her head through the door.
"I'm not hungry..." I grumbled.
She come completely inside and sit down next to me on my bed. "You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, is there something wrong, Cassie?"
"That's what I'd love to know..." I reply, not looking at her.
"Is it something with your boyfriend?" She reluctantly asks.
I rose my head from the pillow and stared at her. "He's not my boyfriend and no, things are cool with Alek." I answered annoyed by the questions. Although cold would be a better term.
"Then what is it?"
"I don't even know myself..." I mutters, seeing her expression and knowing her, I continue, "You remember that night I didn't come home?" She nods in agreement. "I don't even remember what happened that night, nothing at all. All I know is that I passed the night at his place and the next day he quit school, disabled his phone and quit his apartment..."
"You think it's your fault?"
"Kind of... I can't help but feel that I've done something bad..."
Thinking about it again serves only to make me feel worse inside... I don't feel sad but rather, dirty, like everything's my fault.
"Will you come and eat? Please..."
"Sorry... I don't think I can stomach anything tonight." I can feel my stomach asking for food, but at the same time, just the idea of eating makes me feel sick.
She leaves my room and I lie there lost in my own spiral of disgust and sadness. After maybe half an hour, another knock is heard at my door and I yell asking; "What is it mom?"
"Actually, It's me, Alek. Mind if I come inside?"