Blood Crumbs: Chapter 30Mature

   "He's still alive." Laura said wiping the tear from her cheek.


   "Isaac went code blue. They resuscitated him, but his liver is in bad shape. They're thinking the most likely scenario is that he will need a new one…very soon." She said. There was more, but I knew enough to fill in the blanks.

   "The liver would have to come from someone he knows. Someone that donated specifically to him." I said, "No donor registry would ever put an attempted suicide on there. Not in a million years."

   Laura nodded sadly, new tears blossoming at the corner of her eyes.

   There was a tearing sound inside my skull. An audible POP of a dam breaking and all of the frustration I had been bottling inside began to pour through my body. A black bile of hate sloshed around me and I wanted to lash out. I wanted to scream and curse and cry and punch something.

    Laura could see it and she hesitantly moved forward. "Look, George, I can't imagine what you're going through…"

   I recoiled from her touch. I didn't want to be comforted. I didn't deserve to be comforted. I felt the black sludge rising in my belly and it would consume us both.

   "I'm fine." I said, I leaned against the car. My hands balled into fists.

   "No, you're not fine. But you don't have to be fine all the time. It's alright to be 'not fine'."

   Part of me knew that she was trying to help, but it was the psychologist in her that was coming through. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being one of her patients, and that bile gripping my heart turned on her. It was looking for any excuse. Any reason to lash out.

    I felt the words coming. The words I should never say, but they rolled around on my tongue. They tasted awful, and I couldn't swallow them again. I spit them out. I let them consume us both.

   "Oh, come on Laura, it's not like it's the first time something I've said killed someone else's child."

    She recoiled for a moment. The words had been a slap, and I watched as the tears begin to flow more freely.

    "Asshole." She said turning her back to me. I heard a sob and the sound almost found me. Almost cut through the sludge and found the human part of me.


   Speaking the words. Those dark words awoke a deep hate inside of me. Talking about our child was the ultimate taboo.

   No. Her child.

   Their child.

   "It was easier for you." I felt Jeremy Graham's breath on my ear as his words cut through me.

    I heard her take a deep breath and turn to me. She was ready for a fight, I saw it in those eyes. Those dark green eyes.

    "You win, George." She said. It was the last thing I expected from her.


   "Shut up. You don't need to say anymore. You win. You're toxic George. What's worse is that you're toxic by choice. You think you destroy anyone that gets close to you, so you push people away. The problem is that when people care about you, when they really put the effort into getting close, you keep pushing them away until you break them. You're your own goddamn self-fulfilling prophecy; George Pythia Burton. So, I'm done. I won't let you do to me what you're doing to everyone else. What you did to Isaac."

    I stared at her for a moment, the last sentence shocking me into silence. When I responded, my voice was heavy with sarcasm. "So, are you going to send me a bill? I mean, I know your patients pay big bucks for this kind of psychological insight. Or is the first one free?"

    "Fuck. You."

    She walked to her car, reached inside and grabbed my clothes. She threw them at me and climbed behind the wheel. Officer Meathead guarding my house raised an eyebrow at me as she peeled out of the neighborhood. I shrugged.

    I watched the car go with a sense of finality.

   'You are toxic' I thought.

   I was staring after her for a long time. A green Sedan pulled up beside me.

   "Need a ride?" Bowen asked awkwardly.

    I nodded and climbed in.

The End

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