Cécile has no idea what to do and the powerful, overwhelming urge to do nothing and run is the strongest vein in her mind. She isn't a runner though. In fact, Cécile would rather stay rooted where she was until the end of time. Unfortunately, even time goes in a direction and Cécile will have choose.
Cécile crawled against the cold wall and tried to avoid the crippling feeling of helpless that overcame her. If she just ignored it all eventually something would have to happen. There would be no other options and she would just tough it out and go through with it, just like the last time. Except the last time is so far back she can't remember feeling this helpless, this defeated.
Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment to decide what is more important than fear. Sounds simple unless you can't decide what's more important. Maybe the fear is a nicer place to be than the decision. Especially if any decision is going to be a tough road, and fear is safe and comfortable under the covers against the wall.
The door made nose and she heard him come into the room but didn't approach her. Discussing this issue wasn't going to make it any easier and right now staying quiet and pretending to sleep seemed like the best escape route. Maybe she'd just wait until it was dark and he was sleeping beside her before she crawled out of the room and snuck out of the house to dig herself a hole to die in.
Damn straight. It isn't the process that scares the shit out of her, it's the commitment. The sacrifice.
She'd have to get out of bed at some point. She isn't one to skip a meal or hold her bladder too long so she'll have to get up and walk past him watching her. He wants a cue so he knows what to do but she doesn't even know what to do.