It had been two weeks since the slushie incident, meaning that Blaine had been at William Mckinley High for almost a month now. And still he had not plucked up the courage to tell Kurt he was.. that he.. He couldn't even say the words right in his head, let alone out loud. He just had to hope Kurt would figure it out on his own.
Kurt, Mercedes and Blaine were all sitting at a lunch table, chatting.
"So," Blaine turned to Kurt, cutting Mercedes out of the conversation. "What do you look for in a boyfriend?"
"Uh.. I've never actually had a boyfriend before.." Kurt mumbled.
"Oh! Me neither!" Blaine couldn't help but grin a one hundred watt smile. It will be the first time for both of us.. he thought with another grin. "So, what do you look for in guys?"
"Well... They have to like singing. And dancing. And acting. And they have to have brown or black hair, though I do have a soft spot for some blondes. They have to be sweet, funny and caring. You?"
"Well... They have to be tall. Taller than me at least. And I like pale skin.. Dark hair, brown or black.. any eye colour. They don't have to like the same things I like, but they have to tolerate it when I don't want to do exactly the same thing that they do all the time-" Blaine rambled, until Mercedes cut him off.
"You realize you've both just described the other almost perfectly?" She interjected, grinning. Blaine turned crimson, but Kurt just looked aloof. "Well, I like guys who are generous, tall, who appreciate my need to be a diva.. have good fashion sense..." Whilst Mercedes went rambling on, Kurt caught Blaine's eye. His mouth was twisted into a visibly forced smile but his eyes yelled: WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!
Blaine made a quick, mumbled excuse about how he needed Kurt to help him with his history homework and they rushed off, so close their hands brushed together.
"Where are we going?" Blaine asked at the same time Kurt asked: "How did you know what I was thinking?" Deciding Kurt's question was more important than his own, Blaine replied:
"I know you, Kurt. I could look at only your eyes and know the entire expression you were wearing. The eyes are the windows to the soul after all." He replied simply. By this time, they had reached Kurt's car. Kurt climbed in the driver's seat and motioned for Blaine to get in the passenger side.
"Blaine, I have to know. How exactly do you feel about me? Be honest, please." Kurt asked, avoiding Blaine's gaze.
"Kurt... I don't want to go through this. I don't want to feel this.. I.." Blaine tailed off, holding back tears, his mouth screwed up. "Kurt. You're the first out gay guy I've met. And you are so unbelievably confident and happy with who you are.. You're an inspiration to me.. And.. I can't help but feel somewhat attracted to you.. Ok, maybe more than somewhat.." He admitted, slowly. He gulped. He knew what was coming next wouldn't be good.
"Look, Blaine.. It isn't that I'm not touched about the way you feel for me, or that you aren't incredibly attractive, because you are, and I am, but.. I.. I've been through so much this year... I fell in love with Finn Hudson.. And now he's going to be my step-brother... Then I thought Sam was gay - Seriously, how can you go around with dyed blonde Linda Evangelista hair and not expect some people to think you're gay? Seriously? - Any way.. I.. I don't know what you're expecting to get from this relationship but I can tell you now it isn't going to be a boyfriend. I'm not ready for that." Kurt finished with a sigh.
"But.. Maybe some day, when you are ready?" Blaine asked, smiling through the pain. It was as if his heart was made of Glass, and Kurt had picked it up, held it for the short month Blaine had known him and then thrown it brutally to the ground like it was nothing, shattering it into a million pieces.
"Maybe, Blaine, but right now, I just want us to be friends. Good friends. Best friends even. I've known you a month, but already you understand me way better than Mercedes does... You are OK with us just being friends, right?" He looked at Blaine hopefully.
"Sure." Said Blaine, plastering a totally fake smile that was probably more of a grimace onto his face. "I'm going to go now." He said, and climbed out of the car.
"Blaine!" He heard Kurt call as he ran. He didn't respond, didn't look back. He wanted to flee the school, run and never come back, but he couldn't. Instead, he went to his car and climbed in the back seat - The back windows were tinted, no-one would see him - curled up and cried his eyes out for the rest of his lunch hour. When the bell rang, signalling the beginning of afternoon lessons, Blaine grimaced and got up, checking his reflection in the mirror. His lesson was history. With Kurt.
Oh god... He thought.