I felt so lost. I felt like I was the one that had died. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. The one thing, that I had loved the most was gone. Was ripped away from me, so cruelly, without even a proper goodbye.
How could I go on? How could I possibly force myself to live on without her? I couldn't even find the energy to talk. But what was there to talk about? What seemed even remotely interesting, to distract me from my pain. I was an empty shell, and my heart had died.
Don tried to force me to eat. But I couldn't, not knowing that my sister would never taste it again. I slept, but my dreams were of her, and when I woke it felt like I had lost her again. I couldn't handle that, so I forced myself to stay awake.
I didn't even have the energy to change. I couldn't be wolf, knowing that my soul's other half, would never feel the air in her face, and the earth in her claws again. It wasn't right.
Two weeks I stayed like this. No one dared to visit me, other than Don. My mother came into my room on the third night, but how could she comfort me? How could I comfort her? There were no right words to say. We had lost half of our hearts, and there was no cure. She left after an hour, and hadn't come back since. She had lost not one, but two daughters.
That night, when I had seen Sola there, had been the start of my end. She had looked so angelic lay there, till I had seen the knife. At first I had hoped. A knife would do nothing, not to us. Yes she would take long to recover, being so young, but she would recover.
But the cruel being had ripped out her heart. Ripped out her heart, as if it was a trophy. How could anything be so evil. I had been sick, right on the spot when I had seen the hole where her heart should have been. If only the cruel being had known it had ripped not one, but two hearts when it murdered her.
I was dying, slowly.
I drifted off into another worthless sleep.
She was sat on the other side of my room, in being form. Her midnight hair feel to her waist and her red lips were pulled into a worried frown. I smiled at her.
"Your back. You came back to me, like I knew you would." I whispered to her. I had no energy to speak loudly, as I was so weak.
"Look at you Simmy. Your fading away." she said to me, full of concern. I laughed.
"You faded, so will I. We do everything together, remember?" I wanted to get up, and sit with her, but I couldn't even lift my finger.
"Sim, we can't do this together. This is one thing we won't do together. I'm gone Sim, I'm gone. I'm not coming back."
Why was she saying these things. Why wasn't she fighting. I wanted to scream at her, shake her.
"Sola, come back to me. Don't leave me..."
"Come back... Come back..."
Someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes, and instead of Sola, Don stood above me.
"You were talking in your sleep, so I thought I had best wake you, incase you were having a nightmare." he said to me. I laughed.
"How could a nightmare be more worse than the one were living in." I whispered.
"Sim, you need to eat. Look at you, your a mess. You can hardly talk. I've brought you some food." He handed me a plate of boar stew. Sola's favourite.
"Sola would want you to eat." he said, soflty.
"How can you know what Sola would want now. How could you know." I wanted to shout at him. But he was right. I tried to lift the spoon, but it was too heavy. Don picked it up, and fed me.
It tasted like sawdust in my mouth. Like I was eating the bark from the tree. It burnt my throat, and I wanted to throw it back up. But slowly my energy came back, till I could lift the spoon myself. After five minutes the bowl was empty.
"Don't you feel better." Don said. He stood up, and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked up at him.
In the time I had been concentrating on my pain, I had forgot that he had lost a sister too. His being fur was matted and dirty, and his yellowing eyes were bloodshot. He looked in a bad way.
"Hows mother?" I asked him. He rubbed his eyes with his hands and sighed.
"She's in a bad way. Like you, in fact. Father has been force feeding her." He put his head in his hands.
"I can't believe she's gone Sim." He began to cry.
In the twenty five years that I have walked this earth, I had never seen my brother cry till then. His body shook, and I longed to comfort him. But I just sat and stared. As I watched him come apart, it slowly made me whole. To watch someone else cry was oddly refreshing. I felt like I wasn't the only one.
"Come, I think I need some fresh air." I said, standing. I nearly fell back down, but Don stood up and caught hold of me.
"I'm... sorry. I shouldn't of done that in front of you." He said to me, as he wiped his last tears away.
"It's hard times for all of us. Even you." We looked at each other, then he gave me a hug. His dirty fur tickled my face, and I wrinkled my nose.
"You need a bath." I told him, which made him laugh.
"I'm not the only one. You'll be catching up to Old Oakley at this rate." He smiled at me. I smiled back, but a sharp pain appeared in my stomach, reminding me of my loss.
"Come on, let's go before I change my mind." I couldn't walk on my own, as I was too weak, so Don had to hold me up.
When I stepped outside, I had to shield my eyes from the sun as it had been awhile since they had seen light and they needed time to readjust. The wind blew on me softly and I felt my energy slowly coming back. The smell of fresh flowers lingered for a second under my nose, tempting me to go further into the outside.
I didn't see the people stare, but I felt them. Eyes were all on me, and this time it wasn't my appearence that was the cause for the stares. How dare they. How dare they use my sister for the source of their gossips.
Don led me to the centre of our village, where the cooks prepared food. I was glad he took me there, as my stomach had had a taste for food and it wanted more. But I had forgot about the memorial that had been made for Sola and her fellow fighters.
In the centre of the square, was a tree. It had been freshly planted, dug up from some other part of the forest. It was small, the size of me, and the bark was black. IT looked like how I felt. A tear fell down my cheek, and I caught it quickly before anyone could notice. I urged Don to go into the kitchens fast.
The smell of cooked meat, and fresh bread hit me like a storm as soon as I stepped in. It was enough to make my knees weak, and I would have surely fell if it wasn't for Don holding me up. I sat down at one of the tables.
"You stay here, I'll get you some food." Don told me, before he lumbered of towards one of the cooks. Looking at him, you wouldn't know he had jsut broke down in my room.
"Sim, can I talk to you."
I turned round to see one of the older chefs. She was middle aged, around two hundered or so. Her hair was a dusty grey, so I knew she was a winters child. I had seen her around before, but I didn't know of her, or her name.
"Sure, can I help you?" My vioce was still a whisper.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. If theres anything I can do, just say." She sat down next to me, and bowed her head. I felt like screaming at her that I didn't want her sympathy, but she was only trying to help.
"Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say." she lifted her head, and smiled.
"I mean it. I can't begin to imagine what your going through. This has hit the pack hard." She took my hand in hers, and nodded her head.
I wanted her to leave, but I couldn't think of a good excuse without being rude. Then she gave me one.
"Of course it's even worse for you. With her being your twin. I hear you could hear each other's thoughts."
I knew where she was going with this, but she carried on before I could stop her.
"Must be hard, with her not there no more... Or can you still hear her now?"
So thats what she wanted. She didn't want to comfort me, or to see how I was coping. I bet her friends had put her up to it. I bet they were all stood in the shadows, watching, waiting for my response. I wasn't even going to satisfy their needs of petty gossip.
"Don?" I said loudly, standing up."I would like to go back now."
The chefs face dropped and she hurriedly tried to explain herself. She was merely looking out for me, she said. She was making sure I was still sane, she said. She was a lier, was something she didn't say. Don walked over, with a loaf of bread in his hands.
"Why, whats happened?" he asked me, his face full of concern. He glanced at the woman.
"I thought I could escape from my room, for a few peaceful moments without being a freak show, but I was wrong." I walked off out of the room. I moved slowly without my brothers help, but I wanted to get away from her so badly.
I heard Don growl angrily, and the chef wimper. Then he came to my side, and led me back to my room.