Off the wall bios ... for those moments when you feel the urge to just get down from the wall, and let your noodle go. ("Let my noodle go!" The people's liberation anthem for the noodle millennium.)
"why jello is a salad"
- epic failure (not really an "epic"; more like a 90-minute dvd with promise and a lot of missing pixels)
- experimental writer
- neural free-association guide in training
Explanation, Act 1 -- The Introduction
"zombidisco101" is like an independent study, introductory lab class that you're taking-living, that's being held, upstairs, in the attic lab that's called your head; and you're the prof, and the girl who's sitting in the front row with legs and hair that smell like lemons in their skins, and the guy in back with the saddle leather jacket that looks scuffed and cut by knives, and the forty faceless others who have yet to straggle coffee-handed in; and you're all there for one reason -- to listen to the sound and sense the words make as they slide and bump and crash and jump and miss and hit each other in your head, because the zombies sleeping-walking through your semi-conscious semi-dreams, are really freaking dying to be living, and dance themselves awake.
(electric guitar riff "BAH-RANNGGG-REEEEEEEEEEEE ... fades to ... Bach piano tinkle "tum-diddle-arr-dee ... tum-diddle-dee)
Explanation, Act 2 -- The Awaken Baking
- ZOMBIE1: Wow. I feel ...
- ZOMBIE2: Yeah. Different ...
- Z1: It's like ...
- Z2: The word-music scales have lifted from our eyes ...
- Z1: Really ...
- Z2: (runs tongue over teeth) I'd really like to brush my teeth ...
- Z1: Yeah. (light bulb) We could brush each other's teeth ...
- Z2: (smiles) Cool. While switching hands ...
- Z1: Yeah. That'd be ...
- Z2: Dextrous fun.
Explanation, Act 3 -- How Dental Hygiene Came to Be
- TEACHER: (to the class) So I ask you, boys and girls -- of all the fun you've had and done, with other boys and girls, has anyone, ever brushed a friend or lover's teeth? L&N? Literally and Non-metaphorically? (no response) Anyone?
- CLASS: (looking blank as muffins waiting for the toaster; Muffin: "I knew it would end like this.")
- TEACHER: Any idea why?
- CLASS: (guy in back with cap that says "FreeTheZippers") Uh ... nevah tought of-it?
- TEACHER: Well, there you go, Zipper -- the reason why people often forget to brush.
- CLASS: (Zipper wide-eyed, now, like a turnip just pulled from the ground) 'cuz they're thinkin' up shit like this?
- TEACHER: Shit to some. Head dancing in the neural doo-doo fields of "Lorma name your sugar," to others.