This is a short story about falling in love and it ending in despair.


                   I loved him, he loved me too,
but his past caught up with him. I can not stop thinking about the first time
we met. Even when I close my eyes it flares up behind my eyelids like it is
burned into my brain. The day, I stood beside the lake staring into its calm
crystal blue surface blurred by my own tears running down my cheeks. My hair
had come undone and fell down my back; I shivered though it was not cold, the
dress I wore was made of the lightest green material that flowed just past my
knees. I wish now I had grabbed a coat but I had just wanted to get away. I
remembered the day before I had found this place on a walk. It was like
something from a fairy tale the lake surrounded by trees; willows and oak grew
tall and just up ahead a patch of blue bells grew untroubled. The smell of
freshly cut grass from far off fields drifted with the breeze and the sun was
just beginning to set. Then I suddenly got the feeling I was not alone. Turning
around I saw him standing there. He was tall with dark brown hair and green
eyes that stood out against his pale skin. He stared back and slowly smiled. I
couldn’t help but smile back. Something about him just made it impossible not
to. Then the fights and dilemmas that I had been through seemed to slip away,
like I had been under water and had just come up for air. That was it; from
that day on we were inseparable.

                Of course there were some bad times, with his
sarcastic humour and “me” against the world attitude and I could be very
stubborn when I wanted, so we did fight a lot. But it was never over anything
this big, it was never anything that could not be forgiven or forgotten. I now stared
out the window my hands holding on to the kitchen sink so tight my knuckles
went white and I could imagine leaving imprints, engravings showing  that I had been here. I ran the cold water
and splashed some on my face, trying to take deep breaths. Looking out the
window on the on coming darkness I saw the little hillside where we had come
five years ago. I began to shake ever so slightly and wished I had never
answered the phone that morning as the memory came back like a light being
switched on in my mind.                       

                The day we came back to that
lake it had been our anniversary and we planned to have a picnic. He had
brought his guitar and I brought some art supplies to paint. That’s when the
thought came to me. “You know wouldn’t it be nice if this was actually our
lake?” I said out loud with a sigh. “Some day we could come back here and it
could be gone”. He had continued to pluck at his guitar strings and then he said
“We could build a house here, with a porch in front where two rocking chairs
could go”. I laughed, “And we could paint it white with blue shutters with a
white picket fence” when he did not reply or laugh I turned around to face him,
my paint brush still in my hand from painting the flowers on my canvas. A drop
of purple fell on to the old patch work blanket we had brought to sit on. He
was smiling “We could if you wanted but I was thinking something a little
darker” he said. “You’re serious?” I asked in astonishment. “Of course, but if you
don’t like the idea, I guess...” he trailed off with a sombre look on his face
“We can forget it.” I laughed and threw my self in his arms; he quickly set his
guitar aside to catch me. “I love the idea but only if you’re sure that’s what
you really want?” “If you’re happy I’m happy” he said before kissing me.

                    I laughed shakily to my self
thinking about that last part. His words that were so incredibly sweet and full
of love. Yet he could do this to me. He could go back with her, he could go and
see her behind my back and then come home to me in the house we built beside
our lake and lie, pretend all was as it was. However untrue that was. Why did
Isabelle have to phone and confess what she had seen, what she had suspected
for months but did not want to confirm it without proof. I looked around our
kitchen and suddenly felt crushed, suffocated by all the memories that kept washing
over me. Grabbing my drink from the counter I grasped for the back door handle
and stumbled outside, the cold night air shocking me into focus. He should be
home soon, out at work or with her, it did not matter. What was I going to do I
thought as I collapsed into the wooden antique rocking chair.

                 Then I heard it, almost too
soon, the car coming up the drive the headlights coming into focus. The car
stopped and he stepped out wearing a white shirt open at the top, his hair fell
into his eyes as he smiled up at me, he was going to need to get it cut I
thought as I felt my heart slowly begin to break. “Hey love, I really missed
you today” he said striding up the porch steps taking two at a time and bending
down to catch me in a hug. “Really?” I asked knowing it was another lie.
“Course, man I’m tired” he said as he went inside and opened the fridge door. I
just stood staring at him. When he finally noticed he looked up a frown forming
on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked worried. “I know about her, I know you
too have gotten back together and have been for some time” I said surprised by
my own calmness. He went even paler then. “It’s not what you think babe
it’s...” “It’s what, an accident that you kept making again and again?” I
laughed with out humour “Not likely” “Look I couldn’t help it I had to see if
there was anything worth saving between me and her and the more time I spent
with her the more it just, I don’t know... It got harder and harder to end
without hurting her, you understand right?” he finished almost desperately
“It’s not like I wanted this to happen, I never meant to hurt you” he tried to
come closer. I stepped back sharply hitting my back against the counter. That’s
when something in my mind clicked. He was standing there asking me to
understand, all the nights he had come home late, the times he had forgotten to
phone the times when I felt he wanted to be somewhere else, not with me. I wrenched
open the top drawer knowing what I would find. Feeling the cold metal in my
hand and the weight of the gun scared me but I couldn’t put it down. Suddenly
his shirt was not just white, a red stain started to form as he clutched at his
chest like a blooming poppy revealing its petals. With his final breath he
whispered “I love you” then he fell to the floor.

                  That’s when the tears started
to come, when a scream tore from my lips and I ran out to the lake. I ran till
my heart started to pound against my chest, until my breath came out in short painful
gasps. A world where he was with some one else was too much but a world without
him? I kept running until I felt the freezing icy water around me. Until the
last thing I saw was the sky going a deep orange and the glow of the rising sun
spilling out over the sky confessing it was morning, until all went dark.  

The End

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