True stories from the bathtubMature

This came to me while I was taking a long, hot bath. I have envisioned many of these kinds of scenes in my head for years, but this is the first one that came out in words. I kinda like it. Interestingly, I also vaped some sativa today, instead of my standard indica. They say sativa makes you creative.

"Let me get this straight. This is what God said to you, even though he said almost the exact opposite to that guy over there? And his son's skin was kind of white-ish??? Right. What the fuck are you smoking?"

"No, no. This is what he said to my best friend's grandaddy's grandaddy. Or something like that. And my friend's family is very well known for being men of God."

"Oh yeah? Then why didn't your best friend come here himself?"

"Because he went to live with God."

"Look, man. We pretty much have this thing done already. It's just about ready to go to the printer. Why didn't you come here a year ago to tell me this?"

"I didn't think it would take this long for me to get here. I was told I would be given a chariot and two winged horses, but my horses were apparently killed in a war before I could receive them. I kept waiting, but they never came."

"OK, where is your manuscript?"

"What?"

"You have this all written down, right?"

"No, I don't know how to write. Just like almost everyone else."

"Ah, fucking Christ."

To Assistant: "Hey Kevin, see if you can fit this crap into the book somewhere. It's so long and full of shit already, I'm sure no one will ever even catch how ridiculous this particular story is. Supposing anyone ever even buys this stupid thing. Same as all the other stories, I guess. I don't know what I was thinking when I made this deal."

The End

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