When I think of Heaven, I see a giant cloud, in the middle of a forbidden sky, in a sanctuary of somewhere unknown. It is touched and seen only to those who reach its eternal protection. There could be shiny golden gates behind those clouds, where wonderful things await you. Sometimes you ask yourself if you will be able to see what is hidden in there, and ask yourself if you deserve to enter. It might be less of a topic of thought for those kind, caring people who always seem to do the right thing without a mistake in their life, and even less in those who may not be as proud of themselves. No one tends to think of it, because in doing so, you think of death, which is not a pleasant thought at all.
It’s not the same for someone like me. To a ghost, there are about only two things you can think about. All the things you will miss and when you will make it to Heaven. The first is easier than the second.
I hope Heaven has a glitch or made a mistake. Can a place so holy make a mistake like this? When Hannah went to Heaven, they forgot to take me too.
I guess I’m not like her. I guess I’m not an angel. I wish I could be. Now, I’m thinking about the second. Maybe I won’t be able to go. Maybe its somewhere I don’t deserve. But it was too late to try to make it up for myself. I guess I would be stuck here.
Winthrop was a great place and I loved it here, don’t get me wrong. But I had a nagging feeling that Heaven would be even better than the town I loved most.
This isn’t fair. I don’t like this.
There was a closing of the front door behind me. I forgot everything I was thinking about and walked back inside the house. Uncle Henry and Marc were home. They drifted through the house, never speaking or looking up from the ground. I watched them slowly and quietly try to get comfortable in the lonely home. I stood in the kitchen doorway and felt agonizingly terrible. I’ve never seen them so unhappy.
Look what I’ve done to them.
As Uncle Henry trudged into his bedroom, I followed. He plopped down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. I felt like I was inside an old movie. Everything around me seemed so fictitious.
I sat down next to him, laying my hands down in my lap and looking at his hands. I carefully put mine on his, trying to take them away from his face. I pulled and pulled.
Uncle Henry sat up with shock. He removed his hands and looked down at them. He felt me.
My frozen heart leapt. I threw my arms around him and squeezed him tightly. He sat stiff, motionless. I squeezed harder, trying to wrap myself around everything. Around my life. After a minute, I stood back and see if he noticed. He looked up, directly into my eyes, and smiled.
Uncle Henry. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.
Then he started to cry. I kissed his cheek, giving him another hug. But I had to get out.
Natalie? Someone said. Hannah? It came from a different room.
Hannah? I called out, not really expecting her to actually be there.
Out in the hallway. The kitchen. Living room. No. I climbed upstairs, trying to find Hannah. I checked my room.
Hello. A man was standing near my window, smiling heartily at me. He was holding out his hand, as if waiting to take mine. He looked about my age, but a few years older. That same ghost luster. I’ve never seen him before.
Sorry, my name’s Vita. So rude of me. He walked up to me, took my hand politely, bowing his head. Would you like to take a walk with me?
Someone who I didn’t even know? I was tired of walking, I wanted to stay here. I thought back to Uncle crying downstairs. There is so much to think about. I don’t know, I just want -
It’ll only take a minute. Please? He pushed, still smiling with a kind of smile I’ve never seen before. It made my insides mush. I didn’t really know what to do. I could still feel his hand on mine. I took a breath and just nodded. There was something weird about this guy.
I let him walk me to the window, walking straight to it. He was going to walk through it. I was scared of falling down, what was he doing? I crowded behind him, grabbing his shoulder, bracing for the fall. He kept walking. I shut my eyes and let my feet move.
I was gonna fall...