The door bell rang, and I checked the gate. It was Arianne.
"I told you I won't kill myself, didn't I?"
"Well that's a great thing Gabe." She said sarcastically. "I got you a cup of tea!" Added her, as she showed the cups to me.
"I actually prefer coffee you know?"
"I know that, but I thought you would need a rest, you know, after crying so hard."
"Anyways, that would do, thanks." I grabbed the cup and took a sip.
Arianne was one of my friends along with Ray back in college. We were the best of friends (aside from Ray), she knew me better than anyone else.
The tea warmed me up, in the midst of all of these depressing things, I felt like my body was at its best state, I felt good.
"Wow, I actually felt good when I drank it!" I said, looking at Arianne with awe. Childish, I am indeed, but it was the only way I could express my feelings.
My mood suddenly changed. "Well then, let's get in, it's quite cold."
"Yeah." And the main door slammed shut.
"Where are your parents?"
"Bali, they're on a business trip."
"So, what about Ray?"
I had goosebumps when I heard Ray's name. I felt a pang of guilt and pain, it was a hard thing to do.
"Arianne, I'm gonna be straight forward about this; I have a heart disease, I could die anytime."
Arianne fell speechless, she was shocked. "B-but you.."
"I broke up with Ray.." I continued, stopping my tears from falling.
"I don't wanna hurt him."
"But you, breaking up with him, is painful, don't you think?"
"I know but.."
I never wanted Ray to see me die. I don't want to find him crying, asking how did it all happen and starts to blame me for hiding my condition from him. Aware, I was, that it hurts, and I had to use the surest way out: breaking up with him.
Arianne embraced me and started crying. "Gabe, please, don't leave us."
She obviously, could not say anything more about me breaking up with Ray, for she no longer speaks when everything is clear to her. You'll never hear her reacting on things but instead, she questions. She is a woman who knows when or when not to hold her tongue, a woman of wisdom as others would describe.
I could die anytime. I was aware of that. Even if leaving them isn't a part of my plan, sooner or later, I would have to. I had to leave everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything.
Even if I want to, I could not promise Arianne that I won't leave them.
"I can't promise that Arianne, I'm sorry."