I stand with the sheet of paper listed "My Problems" in my hand. I take a final look at it and am once again overwhelmed with the list. I divert my eyes, trying my hardest not to think of the things listed. Then a thought comes to mind. I decide to act upon it, and quickly.
My body slowly starts to shake at the prospect of what I'm about to do.
You can't do this. You can't let go. No one can heal you of these, they are what they are! You so imperfect. You are going to FAIL if you don't deal with these issues.
I think of the one who has saved me. I think of His undying love, and how he is going to heal me. No one else can.
I raise my hands, tears streaming down my face.
"I give it all to you Father! I can't do this on my own anymore! I can't continue to live in a world filled with so much madness and despair without you! Jesus heal me!"
Peace floods my body, just as it does anytime I totally decide to trust. I close my eyes, and relief pours down my rigid body. This moment of silence, hands lifted, eyes streaming with tears. He gives me the strength to do what I need to do. What I must do.
I drop my hands and quickly crinkle up the paper. I rip it up, tearing it into little shreds. I carelessly throw it in the trash. It means nothing to me anymore.
I drop to my knees, still sobbing. Relief. Blessed relief. I feel love. The deep flood of love. Singing seems perfect for the moment, and I open my mouth. I don't hear my own voice anymore, but the voice of someone who is strong. Who knows that she is powerful.
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered