Arthur is infuriated by an infuriating fly that infuriates people by buzzing infuriatingly around their heads. It's all very infuriating...
Arthur’s lip twitched. Arthur’s eye twitched. Arthur’s knuckles twitched. The fly sitting on the table before him twitched.
The huge blue bottle flew away as his clenched fist missed its mark, causing a mug of ale to tip over and spill its contents all over the floor.
Arthur muffled a curse under his breath and sat back into the chair as the infuriating creature began to hit itself continually at the window – the most annoying of noises. It gave up trying to escape and went back to buzzing and darting around his head.
Arthur gritted his teeth and tried to stop himself from yelling with frustration. Slowly he reached for one of the sheets of paper and, with a sly leer on his face, began to roll it up carefully, making sure the blue bottle didn’t notice.
The fly landed on the upset mug of ale and began to mockingly clean its legs, almost taunting him to come and have a go.
Arthur set his jaw and raised the roll of paper above his head before bringing it crashing down on the maddening beast. Once again the creature buzzed clumsily away and Arthur only succeeded in smashing the mug.
The prince muttered another curse, unfurled the roll of paper and scrunched it up in his fist before flinging it across the room at the fly. He missed again and the Arthur took on the appearance of an enraged bull as a result.
At that moment Merlin came crashing through the doors, tripping over his own feet but just managing to regain his balance.
“HIDE ME!” He hissed, holding a stitch in his side, eyes darting over the room for a hiding place.
Arthur gestured lazily at the bed and Merlin dove under it just as the doors were flung open again and Gaius appeared.
“Have you seen Merlin, sire?” The physician asked, casting his gaze suspiciously over the room, “I could have sworn I saw him come in here…”
“Nope, haven’t seen him.” The prince lied absently as the fly settled on the side of the table and began to walk up the sides; its big goggling eyes almost having a mischievous glint in them as Arthur sent it a death glare.
Gaius hesitated warily with narrowed eyes for a moment before shutting the doors and scurrying down the corridor, mumbling something about ‘when I get my hands on him’.
“You’ve. Saved. My. Life.” Merlin exclaimed thankfully, dragging himself out from under the bed and brushing a few cobwebs off his shoulder.
“Yeah…” Arthur murmured, his tounge sticking comically out of his mouth as he raised his hand above the fly.
The beastly thing flew away yet again.
Arthur leapt to his feet, ears practically steaming as he watched it swoop away to the ceiling where he couldn’t reach it. He kicked the table leg angrily and sailed over to the window where he hoped the fly would not annoy him.
Instead it flew over to Merlin and began to hover around his head. Merlin watched it with a scowl and shoed it away with a hand but it was back in a trice. He waved at it again and again but still it came back.
Suddenly it settled onto his nose with an obnoxious buzz.
Arthur turned around and saw Merlin staring at the blue bottle on his face with crossed eyes.
“Don’t. Move.” The prince hissed and began to approach his manservant, a hand raised threateningly.
“No, no, no. Please, don’t. No!” He whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut as Arthur came ever closer.
Merlin was sent flying in an instant.
Arthur looked down at his hand, expecting to see the satisfying sight of a squashed fly but was baffled when he found his palm was clean.
“You’ve broken my nose!” Merlin exclaimed, pulling himself to his feet and nursing his face with a hand.
Arthur sighed and made his back to the chair as his servant ran to a mirror and gazed at his reflection with worry, tenderly touching his nose and flinching every time.
“It is broken!” Merlin cried, turning his head in odd angles to get a better look at the offending appendage.
“Nonsense. Let me see.” Arthur said with hidden concern and marched over to Merlin who positively backed away.
The prince managed to prize Merlin’s hand away from his face and looked at the boy’s nose carefully. It wasn’t broken but there was a rather glorious purple blue bruise already spreading over his face…
Suddenly Merlin hiccupped.
“What?” The prince asked while inspecting the magnificent bruise with fascination.
“I think I swallowed the fly…” Merlin replied, clutching his throat.
“What? Really?” Arthur asked with a deepening frown, “You idiot.”
“Hey, its hardly my fault!” Merlin protested indignantly.
He hiccupped again and an echoing buzz came deep from within his throat.
“Well, there’s only one way to get it out.” Arthur mused thoughtfully.
Arthur answered with an almighty whack to Merlin’s back that once again sent the boy flying but had the desired affect and the fly shot out of his mouth, buzzing loudly.
The prince leapt at it furiously, hands out stretched, and clapped it between his palms in a second.
“Ah, lovely.” He grinned wickedly at the squashed fly and flicked it off his hand with delight, “We won’t meet again.”
“We are gathered here today to witness the burial our beloved fly, who for the purposes of today, shall be known as Jerry. Jerry was a king soul (not) and never infuriated innocent prince’s by buzzing around their head. No, Jerry would never fall to such low standards. He was a hard working fly and we all loved him (not). Rest in peace.”