Jack Ecklund, D.E.A. agent

Jenny gave the man a slight nod of acknowledgement, "Mr. Ecklund.  I'm pleased to --"

"Are you single?" Anna interrupted with a grin.

Ecklund ignored them both and stepped to Hiller's desk.  There he dropped a sizable pile of papers, folders, and assorted rubber banded detritus and asked the girls, "Do you know what this is, officers?"

"Fan mail?" guessed Jenny.

"Parking tickets?" offered Anna, then added, "cuz we can't get those lifted.  But Hiller can."

"Uh-huh," Jenny nodded vigorously, "he's good like that."

"Those are the complete police records of one Miss Anna Hurlumhei Niskinen and one Miss Jennifer Radha Eaton."

Anna grinned at Jenny and confirmed with a nod, "Fan mail, then."

"Ladies, take your seats," Hiller motioned to the two empty chairs before his desk, which Jenny took but Anna hung back with her arms folded stubbornly at her chest.


"Sorry, Chief.  You know me: always fidgety, don't like to sit.  If it's all the same with you --"

"It's not.  Take your friggin' seat, Niskinen."

Anna sighed and plunked down in the chair next to Jenny with a grunt.

Ecklund continued his oration by circling around Hiller and the girls, "Your arrest records are the stuff of fiction, Ladies."

Jenny giggled and muttered, "Science-Fiction."

Anna snorted a suppressed laugh.  Jenny gave her a surprised look at that egregious slip in decorum, which only made it funnier to Anna, who suddenly turned beet red in an effort to control her laughter.

"No, seriously," Ecklund continued, "in fact I had to recheck the numbers three times to make sure it wasn't false.  The two of you have more arrests in the last two years than eighty percent of the rest of the department.  Combined.  In fact, you ladies have taken more Violent Crimes suspects off the streets than all but three of the state's most decorated detectives."

Anna patted her belly, "Man, I'm getting all warm inside."

"Me too," Jenny agreed, "that deserves a WOOT."

"But," Ecklund held aloft another folder, also thick with files and papers.

Jenny grimaced, "There's always a 'But,'"

"I like big butts and I cannot lie."

"For real?  I didn't know that!"

Anna continued reciting Sir Mix-A-Lot, "and you other brothers can't deny."

"Sssh, he's talking about us," Jenny warned.

"Continue," Anna said to Ecklund.

"You have discharged your weapons on practically every case you have ever been involved with."

"Technically, Mr. Ecklund, "we don't always fire our weapons," Jenny said.

"That's right," Anna nodded, "sometimes they're confiscated from us."

"And we have to shoot somebody with something else."

"Like their own weapons."

"Which is kind of embarrassing for them, getting shot with their own piece."

"At any rate," Ecklund shook his head, "you two are a violent menace to the streets.  What I am holding here is one of your Internal Affairs files."

Anna cocked an eyebrow and repeated, "'One of?'"

"Yes, there are seventeen others just like it."

"Holy crap!" Anna blurted, then looked to Hiller, "is that true?"

"Probably.  I'm forever pulling those guys off my ass for stuff you've done."


Jenny bit her lip noncommittally and surmised, "Well, at least we're good job security for those IA guys.  They get up in the morning because of us.  That's something anyway."

"Not a good something," Hiller growled.

"Wow," Anna said again, with just a hint of pride.  Those numbers were astronomical.  Robocop didn't do that much damage.

Ecklund passed behind the girls as he paced, and their eyes followed him.  They were suddenly very intrigued in this conversation.  He said, "It turns out, statistically speaking,that you have shot at -- or put in the hospital -- more people than that entire cult mass suicide in Albuquerque last year."

"Oooooh," Anna recoiled.

"Yeah," Jenny agreed, "just don't tell that stuff to the media.  They're already trying to crucify us."

Ecklund said nothing, but he nodded his head very slowly as the girls absorbed the full gravity of those statistics.

"Ummmm, so are we in trouble?" Jenny asked.

The End

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