Behind my closed eyes I see again the visage of Eric's ruined face turning towards me. The image from my dream making my eyes snap open as a shudder takes me from my scalp to my heels.
The shudders aren't entirely from my vivid dreams, as I come to the realization I am freezing old. I straighten in the seat and wrap my arms around myself as I became aware of my physical condition: soaking wet in my nightshirt and freezing cold.
It had been over a decade since the last time I had had an episode of sleepwalking. I sure didn't miss it. The nightshirt clung to my skin, and in different circumstances I might have been scandalized at my condition. The nightshirt was white and completely drenched and clinging. It offered no warmth and not much modesty in it's current state.
The car door screeched on it's hinges as I opened it, and the sound found resonance in a silent screech from my joints as I uncurled myself from the seat and stood erect. I had no way of knowing how long i had slept in the car, but it had been a while judging from how stiff I was feeling.
The steady rain brought me ever more awake as I trundled from the car to my front door. the screen had shut but the door inside was ajar, which I didn't mind as it made it easier to stumble into the house. I closed the door and leaned hard against it while I tried to get motivated to make myself warm.
I pushed myself way from the door and made my wet dripping way to the washroom. Another part of myself seemed to marvel at how little my physical condition really was penetrating my current state. It seemed not even this bone deep chill could make me feel worse than what I was feeling. In a way it almost felt right to have my body this cold and numb; it matched my heart.
A glimpse in the mirror as I peeled off my wet garment revealed blue lips and dark circles around my blue eyes. My red hair was dark and stringy around my face. I really was a mess. I wondered if I would ever get to the point where the rain didn't remind me of that awful night. One of the ever waiting sobs escaped my lips and I turned away from the pathetic creature in the mirror. The emptiness that seemed to fill my breast would never be filled with enough tears, and I was loathe to add anymore tonight.
I started the warm bath and then sat on the toilet to have a pee. After a time I realized I was done and the tub was almost full. It seemed that minutes had gone by and I hadn't noticed. That was good.
I stepped into the warm tub, and slowly eased myself into the water. Once I was fully in the tap the only sound was the rain on outside and the steady drip of the tap. I tried to focus on the drip of the tap in hopes that if I dozed it would bring a different kind of nightmare.