The Epic (fail) Showdown!

The vampire stands in the elevator, it's victim on the floor in front of it come on, anyone would have noticed the elevator open, Jerrald recognises it as his second cousin-five-times-removed-on-his-mother's-side having it as a lover or friend was too cliche even for this movie. Jerrald roars and grabs the vampire, catching it by surprise and dragging it out of the elevator.

The two then wrestle with not a hair being put out of place on Jerrald's head, that would ruin the shot out into the street, where Simpsonkins, the female cop, Becky-Anne and the mad dad-scientist are because no time has passed, otherwise the scene would be all out of kilter. Jerrald races to their sides to defend them because women cannot be allowed to save themselves in this film and the vampire was clearly nothing but a distraction to get Jerrald out into the street. He and Simpsonkins glare at each other, music begins to play in the background the sound effects team are once again bored and are now seeing how much they can mutilate the Jaws theme tune. Jerrald and Simpsonkins exchange a few short words and then lunge for each other, Simpsonkins' techno-whip flying and Jerrald's shotgun which he has magically produced from nowhere sending bullets flying towards his enemy. Simpsonkins laughs and uses the whip  because the cow prodder has mysteriously disappeared to deflect the bullets and Jerrald is forced to dive for cover.

Becky-Anne is still munching on the police fodder for no apparent reason other than the director had to keep it going as her fit had mucked up the last scene. As Jerrald and Simpsonkins race around each other, each making noises of supreme effort and will recorded by the sound team from a team of female mud-wrestlers and with sparks flying from the collisions of the whip and Jerrald's makeshift club/ car aerial he dropped the shotgun because he's not so stupid as to realise it wasn't working and the car aerial is clearly made of some indestructible material.

Suddenly the two spring apart, Jerrald on one side of the chaos of the city which Zombie Kong has been destroying ever since the scene started with no-one noticing. The two lock eyes, panting and bloodied the makeup team had a field day with the red paint and ketchup.

Then Becky-Anne screams because she is clearly only a girl and therefore has no courage. Also, the director decided he could not have a damsel in distress looking anything but stunningly beautiful for the big close-up.

The End

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