The Zombie's Beast

"This is the six o' clock news at five and word has just been broken that the murders we've seen today are all linked! It's not just a coincidence that the crimes all end up with holes in the floor and extra hungry seven year old's?"

The newscaster fixed a steely gaze on the camera and batted her eyelashes and then her eyes widened and a hand moved to her ear.

"This just in," she said, awaiting the news, or rather, awaiting her missed lines. "It appears that a strange...uh...thing has been wreaking havoc in the downtown section! It appears? Well then, show us the 'amateur' 'camcorder' footage that includes perfect editted cuts from eight angles. We still do not know what this thing is, but authorities are telling all home-owners to stay inside and lock their doors. And if you live in a shiny skyscraper, stay away from the windows."

The news cuts to the amateur footage. Something large and hairy, probably a stuffed animal, is trudging down the plastersine street knocking over silver toothpick street lamps just because it has anger management problems. For some reason, a really large elbow bumps into the top lefter corner of the screen before sliding out of view.

"It appears that some type of...of...beast is loose in the city! And, oh dear, there's something behind it! What is it?"

All the children in the audience scream and point, "It's a zombie! There's a zombie behind it!"

The newscaster spins. "Where?" she cries. "I don't see anything! What's behind the beast? What is it behind that big ole hairy beast?"

The children: "It's a volcanic british butler zombie frankestein killer vampire dufus!"


The newscaster watches in horror as the camera sways and turns. Simpsonkins whips the beast, and it lets out a dreadful roar. Then it begins to climb a building. The newscaster cries out in sudden realization. It's climbing the news building!--because it loves the attention.

Just for 'special' effect because I doubt a teddy bear with sharp teeth could cause an earthquake, the news camera begins to shake. There are screams, a giant hairy gloved hand reaches into a doll house, and the camera jumps, turns, and falls against the cement because somehow some idiot managed to knock over the entire camera stand vehicle. A coffee mug rattles past the tilted camera view and then it all goes static. For some reason, the screams linger for a few seconds into the static.

And then, six hundred different families, because they change their clothes and rearrange the furniture for each shot, are seen hugging pillows against their chests and staring into the static television with jaws dropped and fear in their very wide eyes...Their faces must be hurting...perhaps they're stuck that way.

The End

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