Two years had passed. Yet still I yearned to find out who was responsible for Solain’s death. The cold feeling never left.I found myself continually going back to the grounds on which he had fallen.
Nothing grew there; it was just bare, lifeless and dark...Always dark… I had lost sense completely of who I was: broken inside, tormented with the feeling of nothingness.
Tonight was no different. I was just an empty carcass, a body without a soul- that had been ripped away from me along with Solain. I could not bring back what had been taken away.
I was ashamed with myself for having allowed this to happen. We were meant to be strong, but I was alone. To contemplate going on without Solain was impossible, pure stupidity, yet it was the truth; no one, not even I could escape truth.
“Help me… Goddess, please help me. I have been here so often, yet the pain- it continues to cripple my soul.” My eyes welled with tears, blurring my vision. I fell to my knees. My arms hung loosely at my sides, like a thousand tonnes dwindling hopelessly on a rope. I stared up at the seamless sky. My body ached. “Please, release me from this darkness.”
Then I fell, lying there in the foetus position. Warm tears streamed across my face and into the crisp, frost-covered grass. I prayed to be as small and insignificant as possible; to be as small as those tiny beautiful stars twinkling up in the sky.
“Brigantī, nertā moi je wo exsmede nemo, moi galā.” I had called upon the high Goddess, mother to the earth herself, subconsciously asking for my powers to return; to give me strength.
The voice was nothing like my own: powerfully melodic, a whisper that was capable of shaking all surroundings with its might.
* * *
Clouds… Clouds could float so carelessly above the world. Floating with such beauty that it seemed only right they should be decorated with a gorgeous backdrop of clear blues. Singularly they were insignificant, joined they were part of something far grander, far more important.
Every being on this planet had seen these clouds; there was something in that itself that made me smile. Truly smile, so much so that my cheeks ached from being used.
I opened my eyes to dawn breaking across the sky, I was alive. I could feel every cell of my body, ready to be used, ready whenever I so wished it
The ribbons of life spun themselves around me completely, encasing me in a chrysalis of light. I pushed against the light- ready to break free, ready for rebirth. Intense pressure weighed me down, crushing my body with its strength. My head throbbed, my muscles ripped. Yet I did not scream, I did not make a sound. I couldn’t. My entire self was being morphed into something inhuman. Being twisted and contorted.
I gasped as the feeling of suffocation strangled me from within; my bones cracking, compressing and piercing through organs. Every cell in my body screamed for oxygen. It was unbearable; my guts became taut, my nostrils flared at the smell of my own sweat- sweat that now drenched my body. Immobile from the bitter-cold that was now crawling through my veins, I stared up into the clouds...
As a child I would endlessly stare upon the clouds until they dissolved into stars. It helped me cope. Through anger, pure bliss and utter depression they supported me.
I lost my mother and father through flames of fear and misunderstanding. For the laws were against us, our race. We had done nothing to inflict pain or terror, yet to others it seemed we were in line with Satan himself.
It was a fate placed upon my parents by the Goddess herself and yet I could not bear to witness their deaths. I was weak, running from something that would inevitably follow me throughout the course of my life, never would I be able to forget the sounds of my mother’s screams of agony that haunted my dreams ever since.
My parents were gone, only to be joined by my soul mate. No more would I cower. I had awoken.