I wanted to call her.
I was afraid.
Afraid that she might resent me for lying... Hell, that wasn't even it. I was afraid that she would know who I truly am. Who I was in the past, and who I will always be. I was afraid of not being good enough and never being able to make her happy.
But I did want to call her. I just never allowed myself the time.
That's the truth about outsiders, they always have to leave. One of the rules that my friends made, after a girl that Sean was sure he loved left with her family last summer, was that we would never allow ourselves to fall for anyone who wasn't staying in Pueblo for long. She never wrote back, or called. The best cure, they had told me after seeing how much time I was spending with Avery, is to just completely cut it off. I had argued and they had promised that it was for the best. But, though I had stuck to that plan for a few weeks up until Avery's last month here, I still stood where I was.
The hot white fence stretched out on either sides of my back and I stood against it fiercely with my hands in my short pockets. I wished that I could talk to her, have one more chance to explain everything, tell her about my past, my brother; Claire. But I was afraid; afraid that she wouldn't bother with me since I had not only ignored any suffocating need that I had to contact her, but because she was leaving in less than a month. She lived the big city life and I lived in a small beach town. This fence marked everything that we would face if we were together, despite the ongoing issues of my past and Claire.
I could almost sense Avery on the other side as the sky turned blood red. The maddened ocean slapped against the sand that carried so many memories. I looked up into the darkened room on the third floor of the beach mansion that I was sure was hers.
I rested the back of my head against the white fence and closed my eyes. My hand slammed against my side of the fence, the sound echoing into the water, where it was swallowed whole. Avery.