Norman the Break

What is it about today...?

Well, if you must know, today is the day Norman joins you. That explains just about everything, except for your socks. You did that yourself.

One might normally wonder what on Earth a foreign voice was doing in their head, but Joe was far too average to even acknowledge the fact that this voice he heard was coming from inside him. He simply dismissed the notion entirely and stared down at his socks with mild concern.

What about my soc--- Oh my.

He had somehow ended up with two socks of differing degrees of black on, a veritable sin and highly non-average. It was a good thing he had parked, too, because he didn't stop staring and fretting, fretting and staring, for a good few minutes.

Oh my oh my oh dear. I can't go on a date like this!

Can and will, Joseph. You're already at her door; you can't leave now. She's probably seen you already anyway.

Once more, Joe merely dismissed the fact that a voice was speaking to him as a figment of his imagination or a loud passerby trying to mess with his head while he was distracted. Though, he had to admit the voice had a point. He would just have to make sure his trousers were pulled down nicely to his shoes for the whole night so his date wouldn't notice the shameful discrepancy.

So you're not going to even question my existence?

Joe's eyes widened a little as he looked around and had it proven to him conclusively that there was no-one talking to him in the vicinity. He slowly, laboriously shook his head, as if afraid that someone would see him making the action and question his sanity. That was the last thing he needed.

Perhaps I underestimated you. They told me you were a particularly bad example, but I had chalked it up to trying to scare me until now.

Joe nodded in the same manner as he had shaken his head, as if he knew exactly what the voice was talking about and agreed, but then he realized he shouldn't be agreeing with his crazies, so he shifted to the same gesture of disagreement from before.

Right, well, I suppose I should get things moving before you have a heart attack. Granted, that would make my job pretty easy, but it would also be spectacularly boring and probably just make you worse in the end.

"What...? Who...?" Joe began lamely and quietly, by now a little upset that something was speaking in his mind. Of course, he then realized that speaking to himself, however quietly, was another of those things that was bound to make him look like a crazy person, so he tried something different.

Who or what are you, exactly?

I was getting to that. Though I suppose I can't blame you for having an average amount of impatience.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. To answer your question, my name is Norman and I am a Break.

A break?

No, a Break.

How did you know whether or not I capitalized it?

How did you know I did?

Joe had nothing to say to that. In fact, he had nothing to say to anything this voice said any more. He was convinced he was crazy, except he had heard that crazy persons do not know they are crazy. So he was, what?

You're not crazy. You know the expression, 'Catch a Break'?

Joe would have liked to point out that 'break' was not generally capitalized, especially in that context, but instead he simply nodded. Besides the fact that he had vowed not to 'speak' to this voice any more, he figured it would be best to let it be over with as quickly as possible, which meant no interruptions were to be made.

Well, you've caught one, quite literally. I am Norman, and I am your Break. You can call me Norm if you'd like.

After receiving no response from Joe, Norman the Break went on, in a far more business-like tone. Joe thought that this meant, perhaps, that it was time to get down to business, which appealed to him greatly..

Well, down to business then, I suppose. It is the job of a Break to shake things up for their Host (that would be you). In some cases, catching a Break means being helped out in tough times, as you tend to use the expression, but it can also be given a tough time when you're doing very well. We help good people do bad things, and bad people do good things. Sometimes we give adventurous people a break (of the non-capitalized variety here, of course), so they can settle down. And in your case, we help people who have settled down far too much to be a little adventurous.

"I don't want to be adventurous," Joe insisted defiantly, though still quietly as well. "I don't want to catch a break---"

Break. Capital B. 'Catch a Break'.

"I don't care. I don't want you in my head. Go away, I have a date to attend."

I set that date up for you, you know.

"I. Don't. Care. Go away!" Joe hissed, exiting his car with a little more force than necessary. "I don't want a Break!" he said, glaring over his shoulder at the car, as if he had left the voice behind.

As he stomped over to the door of his date's home and rang the bell, trying to compose himself, Norman the Break withdrew and thought only to itself for the time being.

Oh Joseph, if only you knew how little what you want matters. You're getting an adventure whether you like it or not.

The End

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