I wonder what Mum is doing right now. Does she think of me often? Where does she think I am? Are the police looking for me? I had a nightmare this morning, which was annoying as I get very little sleep as it is. It probably wouldn’t have scared many people. Nothing happened to me in it. I woke up screaming. Erik, the overseer, came in.
“Shut that noise!” he barked. I felt awful. You see, in my dream I saw Matt treating Isabella and even Mum how he treated me. I saw Kate trying to rescue me and ending up in a lot of trouble - with Matt. Everything I nightmared about started and ended with Matt.
How I long to be home. I never thought my life would turn out like this. Any money made here goes to Erik and Matt. We don’t get a penny. I don’t think I can remember a time when I have been so utterly hopeless. The future looks bleak, for me, and for the others. I found myself contemplating suicide the other day. I wrote a poem, actually. It shows the two minds I was in. Here it is:
The life ebbs away, the tide comes closer
I don’t want to do this, don’t want to go
The edge draws nearer, the blade glows sharper
Don’t want to say goodbye, can’t bear to leave
The barrel turns to me, the rope draws tighter
Don’t want to abandon you, too scared to go
You can’t make me turn back, I’ve decided
But I’m scared, don’t want to do it
I’m not gonna change my mind
Scared of a moment, scared of eternity