If I make myself ugly, do you think they’ll leave me alone? That’s a good question, but I think the answer is no.
I don’t even need to MAKE myself ugly. I’ve been feeling so little like a person, a human being with rights, that recently I’ve been forgetting to wash, and brush my hair, and eat, and normal things like that. The scariest thing is that I don’t care. I don’t care what happens to me. I caught myself feeling that if I starved to death it would be the easy way out. I don’t even feel bad compared to how I’ve felt recently, though.
I’ve been high more and more often recently because it numbs the pain, but when I come down I feel so lonely that I can’t bear it. It’s making Mum sad too, but there’s nothing I can do to hide it, despite my best efforts.